![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shipperx:
First up in weekend viewing: Being Human:
I liked this Mitchel centric episode. I even liked the drippy greenscreen effect of Mitchel walking through his various incarnations by fashion era. (BTW I also liked last week's Annie centric episode where she realized that she had repressed the knowledge that her fiance had murdered her. I keep waiting for her to realize that instead of being resentful and even jealous of her boyfriends new girlfriend, she should be worried about the woman).
Anyway Mitchel ultimately vamping that child at the end of the episode has haunted me. I know that I've been trained by Anne Rice to see the vamping of a child to be a horrific case of cursing the child to never grow up and that may not be the case in Being Human vampires. After all, Being Human vampires can walk in the sun, which actually bothers me a little because it makes vampires a bit less cursed than they should be. I've let that slide, however, because I do like the way they've changed the blood addiction. Where Spike and Angel could survive on microwaved pig or otter blood, and where True Blood vamps have ... well... True Blood, Mitchel really must feed off the living. Blood banks won't work, and I assume that goes for pig and otter as well. That seems like a hefty curse... and is what's so disturbing about his having vamped the child. Just recently on Being Human (or was it True Blood? No, I think it was Being Human) it was pointed out that by allowing a woman to die Mitchel may have 'saved her', so rescuing the boy really does seem to be a false salve to a wounded heart and guilty conscience. I can't escape the feeling that Mitchel should have allowed that boy to die.
Anyway, good episode.
Second: True Blood
I know a lot of critics have called this episode "transcendent" but I really think that's being a bit too generous. Don't get me wrong, I liked Godric. A lot. I thought he was interesting, and I was sad to see him go. But all of this is hindered by the fact that for the life of me I do not understand what Godric was hoping to accomplish. Well... other than suicide. I got that much. But his turning himself over to the Fellowship of the Sun, why? Did the Pict become a Christian? I can't see what he thought he would accomplish at the Ministry other than the mess he got because his 'sacrifice' was going to do nothing but reinforce the Ministry's craziness. They're like a group of people with a steady diet of Glenn Beck. They aren't going to just wake up and go "Whoa! This is insane!" they're just going to be glad that there's one dead vampire. So, Godric's turning himself over to the Ministry made no sense... unless he was trying to start a war which, at this point, i don't think fits. After all if that was his purpose, why self-immolate so that Nan (who will always be OLTL's Megan to me) can announce that the Vampire Community dealt with the matter (and I also gather that it wasn't the vampire community demanding this sacrifice. This was just all Godric's idea). So as lovely as Godric'sSpike-like 9th Doctor-like glowy death was, I would have been more moved if I thought that it actually served any purpose beyond Godric deciding not to go on any longer (albeit there is something sadly haunting in his simply deciding that 2000 years is enough)
I did appreciate that Godric's presence has expanded our understanding of Eric because, to be honest, I just don't feel that we know Eric very much. That's why I've yet to get too far into the character. For all that he's infinitely hotter than Vampire Bill, I have little idea of what makes Eric tick. My first impression of him in Fangtasia sitting on his thrown with his (highlighted) blond hair draped over his eye just so was that he's a poseur. That sort of dramatic posing is for show, it's not real. Not even in a thousand year old vampire. I'm not knocking the whole poseur thing as a characterization. I adored Spike and he was both melodramatic and a poseur. But the thing with Spike is that I understood what made Spike tick. I don't feel that I know Eric like that yet and that lack of understanding is keeping me at a distance from the character. Godric has helped because Godric was one of the two things connected to Eric that actually seemed real. Eric was truly devoted to Godric. And I also believed Eric when told Sookie not to use the word 'love' because it wasn't a word he understood. While Eric definitely loved Godric, I don't think he would actually think of it in those words. To him it was fealty. So this leaves me with a character that I think most of the time is being disingenuous but who I have little idea of who the authentic guy is. I hope that at some point they give us greater insight into Eric because right now he's still mostly a stranger.
Also while speaking of Eric. The Eric/Sookie dream was hot! However, unless they give me more insight into Eric (and make Sookie something... more...hmm... adult?) I'm not going to be rooting for them as a pair. I honestly do not get what Eric sees in Sookie. That isn't an insult of Sookie (even if she does frequently annoy me), it's that I just don't see the attraction she holds for Eric. Bill, I get. I may roll my eyes at the Bill/Sookie pairing, but I get what Bill sees in Sookie -- his lost humanity, the humanity he wants, the 'home' he lost. She's comforting and local and sunny and all these things work for Bill. And Sookie has placed a lot of her ideals in Bill, so she has investment. But Eric/Sookie? Thus far they don't fit.
On to the other parts of the episode:
Love Jessica/Hoyt. Aww. Those two I do understand. And yay, Hoyt for giving his bigoted Mom hell calling her on her being filled with hate -- You hate Methodists!. And Catholics. And black people! (to which she shushes him and tells him that's a secret). And she hates people who wear red shoes. (To which she implies that they're whorish). And poor Jessica... mentions red shoes. His mom's hate doesn't come from the logic of "I just don't want you to have a girlfriend who might eat you" and very much from her hating anything that threatens the world and the narrow way she wants to see it. Hoyt really is going to have to kick his mom to the curb. And because of the sweetness of Jessica/Hoyt I can't help fearing what might happen to them.
I also liked Arlene's request of Terry "don't be more peculiar than you usually are" (paraphrased).
And, Lafayette is back to awesome! Kick ass Lafayette! And kick Tara's ass because she's totally and completely lost herself.
Too many incest vibes in the Sookie/Jason scene though. And I swear when they're together they seem even more stupid than they usually do.
On the non-vampire front, Mad Men:
Wow, Betty is really toxic to her daughter. No wonder her daughter is desperately afraid of her daddy not coming home. To that child, Don is her supportive parent. And...wow, is that going to mess that child up.
Joan is still with Dr. Rapist which makes me sad and which, apparently, has her stress eating because her impressive bazoongas have increased to truly astounding proportions.
Loved Don's "Are they playing God or Darwin?" with the whole Pete vs. Ken competition regarding the head of accounts. I'm not sure which character has the edge -- Pete for his whiny bitch obsessiveness that will have him backstabbing every way he can, or Ken and his casual (though perhaps lackadaisical) confidence and sense of fair play.
Finally, the biggie scene of the night -- Sal's tryst with the bell hop. I'm surprised they got all of that past the censors. It was hot. And when Don saw it, you knew that Sal thought his entire world was about to come crashing down. Leading to the airplane scene with Don and Sal where Don's new slogan for London Fog is "limit your exposure"... and it seems fairly evident that this is a concept we're going to see play out over the season.
And, since I'm (mostly) on the subject of vampires:
I read![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shadowkat67's post about BtVS Season 6. And I think shadowkat made excellent points. I think she(?) has a pretty solid take on what the writers were shooting for with the string of episodes between Doublemeat Palace and As You Were. Unfortunately, there's often a gap between what writers intend and the way that we experience episodes. I realize this because as I read what I think is a convincing take on what the writers intended, I still ache over the pain those episodes caused me as the viewer.
I think the primary disconnect is that we are supposed to (and the writers intended us to) experience those episodes from Buffy's POV, and I just... didn't. I don't know whether this is purely a matter of how the episodes were written, though certainly it's part of it. But I also believe that it's at least partially due to SMG's performance. For Buffy to be my POV character, I have to understand and to feel at least part of what she feels and, unfortunately, Buffy for most of Season 6 (and often in Season 7) is an enigma to me. I don't know what she's feeling, what she's basing her choices on, or what she intends by the choices that she makes. So... am I to experience the episodes through the viewpoint of a character who is largely inaccessible to me or through the one who is vocal and wearing his heart -- as screwed-up and ill directed as it may be -- on his sleeve? Unfortunately for me as a viewer, emotions went with the accessible character and it makes a lot about those episodes rather painful.
That isn't to say that Spike was "good" for Buffy or "good" at all, it's just that I found Spike easier to understand. Sure, it's an immature and dysfunctional approach to a relationship to constantly try to 'be' whatever one thinks the loved one wants or needs or simply be whatever will attract the loved one's attention-- positive or negative -- even if it's self destructive or mutually destructive. Spike in Season 6 is constantly changing and adjusting to what Buffy needs or at least what pisses her off. Anything if she'll just see him (which is exactly what William said to Cecily, and which was always part of Spike). So when she's traumatized by resurrection, he's a gentle listener. And when she's looking for stress relief, he's quick with liquor or a marathon fuck. His effort to walk away with "Rest in Peace" didn't have a hope in hell of succeeding. And things just became more dysfunctional from there, as sifting through her intermittant, frequently non-vocal clues, he tailors himself to be whatever it is that best suits the situation at hand in the hopes of being something to her. It's not healthy, of course, but it is comprehensible. I cannot ever remember a moment where, at the heart of things, Buffy didn't have the emotional upper hand. Because Spike's heart was on his sleeve and his motivations obvious while hers were as elusive as quicksilver, she was the one who had the real power in the relationship. He was seeking her love, attention, and affection, not the other way around. Never the other way around. She was numb and distant. Closed-off and inaccessible. And, as is frequently the case, this lands her in the power-position emotionally. The one seeking rarely has the power of the one being sought, even when both are at the bottom of things, emotional wrecks. So, while yes there was a great deal of sexual politics going on. And the power plays between the two varied by episode with a great degree of give and take and brinkmanship. Emotionally? The ball was always in her court.
And in that line of thought, several years agorahirah postulated in a post (that I'm most probably misquoting and misremembering, so don't blame Barb for anything that I say) that in Season 6 Buffy was, for most of the season, playing at being the victim. That's not meant to say that she wasn't in a horrible position -- she was! It's not to say she didn't have horrible things done to her -- she did! And this is discussing everything prior to Seeing Red so this isnot including the AR. But it is about the fact that for all the horrible things that happened with the death and resurrection, power was never taken from Buffy. She abdicated it.
Couldn't fix the pipes? Well, she could've charged Willow and Tara rent! (Hell, even freeloading and Greek God orgiastic-black-out-having Tara on True Blood managed to kick in for hot water heater repair). Buffy couldn't return to school? There are a lot of people who work their way through school. There are grants, loans, and scholarships. There's community college. And even if there's a possibility of failure there's just trying. The primary reason Buffy couldn't go to classes is that she skipped the deadlines to sign up. She never applied for a loan or a grant so she was never denied the opportunity. She just let the deadline come and go without making an effort. She had to work at a fast food joint... WHY?! It wasn't the current economy. There were other jobs out there. Heck, even in "Anne" she'd been a waitress and that would have at least given her tips in addition to her crappy salary. The thing is, every time Buffy surrendered to her numb struggle with life it was before the fight. She simply didn't try. She didn't want to have power over her own life. It was easier to sit back, abdicate power, and convince herself that it was all out of her control. She was, in a sense and in her own mind, 'the victim'... until she came to "Seeing Red" where pretending to be victim ran headlong into actually becoming one. And suddenly, when it was real, it scared the living hell out of her (and it should have). If you abdicate power over your own life long enough...well... bad things happen. (Which is not to say that she 'deserved it'. I'm not saying that. I'd never say that. No one 'deserves' that. But then a lot of things you don't deserve that happen to you. Heroism is in how you face it.)
Anyway, this is why I find Season 6 Buffy incredibly frustrating. If she was supposed to be my avatar in the world of BtVS that season... she wasn't. Not for me (despite knowing that Mutant Enemy truly, earnestly intended her to be.) It was easier for me to understand the guy who turned himself inside out trying to read her every emotional cue -- often getting it wrong and sometimes getting it too terribly right. I comprehended it because that was what I, as the viewer, was also trying to do -- trying to read and understand the elusive, enigmatic, ever-retreating Buffy. Ultimately, unfortunately, Spike was willing to debase himself or to debase her if he thought that was what would get her rocks off. Anything she ...er... I'll choose the word 'desired' though it isn't exactly that. All of this without the moral compass that would allow him to be the one to call it quits when -- God -- they were destroying each other. It was a clusterfuck of dysfunction on both their parts. Buffy wasn't the only one to abdicate power. Spike -- just as he sang -- became her 'willing slave,' mirroring back whatever vibe she was sending out. It was two wounded people causing each other yet more damage. But, ultimately, be it writing or performance, Spike was more the readily available emotionally and so the character that evoked most of my emotion is the one I most empathized with. And that's largely why to this day I find those episodes spectacularly painful.
I know I'm supposed to identify with our downtrodden heroine, but I can never quite get beyond the horror of what it must be like to have your love used as the method of choice for someone to debase themselves. How degrading and painful is that? How would it gut you to know that your feelings, your affection, your touch is the cudgel with which the one you love flagellates themselves? And who doesn't know, at one point or another in their lives, what it feels like to have their feelings stomped on or considered utterly unimportant? How many times was he told that all he felt wasn't real and certainly not meaningful because even if one conceded it was real 'to him' how belitting is that? It's almost worse because not only the feelings 'not real' the entire person is rendered as nothing because what is 'real' or important to him is seen as not real and worse than pointless to everyone else.
It is a horror.
Anyway, Spike was easier for me to understand and to relate to. Buffy in those days was always difficult to reach, difficult to define, and difficult to understand.
Both of them were dysfunctional. Both of them self-destructive. Both of them did horrible things and messed both themselves and each other up. But Buffy, despite being the titular character, wasn't -- for me -- the more easily accessed entrance to the story. In fact, at times, she was enigmatic to the point of indecipherable. And that period of story still breaks my heart.
ETA: Since this has been picked up and discussed elsewhere, I do want to add that when I say that I did not experience Season 6 through the Buffy POV, it's a personal reference. I did not. That is not to say that no one could. I realize that I am supposed to have. I realize that she was depressed and, for a supernatural superhero show, it's a reasonable depiction of depression. I know she was 'in a bad place'. That she is not the character I most connected with is a personal, subjective thing. I was only speaking for myself.
First up in weekend viewing: Being Human:
I liked this Mitchel centric episode. I even liked the drippy greenscreen effect of Mitchel walking through his various incarnations by fashion era. (BTW I also liked last week's Annie centric episode where she realized that she had repressed the knowledge that her fiance had murdered her. I keep waiting for her to realize that instead of being resentful and even jealous of her boyfriends new girlfriend, she should be worried about the woman).
Anyway Mitchel ultimately vamping that child at the end of the episode has haunted me. I know that I've been trained by Anne Rice to see the vamping of a child to be a horrific case of cursing the child to never grow up and that may not be the case in Being Human vampires. After all, Being Human vampires can walk in the sun, which actually bothers me a little because it makes vampires a bit less cursed than they should be. I've let that slide, however, because I do like the way they've changed the blood addiction. Where Spike and Angel could survive on microwaved pig or otter blood, and where True Blood vamps have ... well... True Blood, Mitchel really must feed off the living. Blood banks won't work, and I assume that goes for pig and otter as well. That seems like a hefty curse... and is what's so disturbing about his having vamped the child. Just recently on Being Human (or was it True Blood? No, I think it was Being Human) it was pointed out that by allowing a woman to die Mitchel may have 'saved her', so rescuing the boy really does seem to be a false salve to a wounded heart and guilty conscience. I can't escape the feeling that Mitchel should have allowed that boy to die.
Anyway, good episode.
Second: True Blood
I know a lot of critics have called this episode "transcendent" but I really think that's being a bit too generous. Don't get me wrong, I liked Godric. A lot. I thought he was interesting, and I was sad to see him go. But all of this is hindered by the fact that for the life of me I do not understand what Godric was hoping to accomplish. Well... other than suicide. I got that much. But his turning himself over to the Fellowship of the Sun, why? Did the Pict become a Christian? I can't see what he thought he would accomplish at the Ministry other than the mess he got because his 'sacrifice' was going to do nothing but reinforce the Ministry's craziness. They're like a group of people with a steady diet of Glenn Beck. They aren't going to just wake up and go "Whoa! This is insane!" they're just going to be glad that there's one dead vampire. So, Godric's turning himself over to the Ministry made no sense... unless he was trying to start a war which, at this point, i don't think fits. After all if that was his purpose, why self-immolate so that Nan (who will always be OLTL's Megan to me) can announce that the Vampire Community dealt with the matter (and I also gather that it wasn't the vampire community demanding this sacrifice. This was just all Godric's idea). So as lovely as Godric's
I did appreciate that Godric's presence has expanded our understanding of Eric because, to be honest, I just don't feel that we know Eric very much. That's why I've yet to get too far into the character. For all that he's infinitely hotter than Vampire Bill, I have little idea of what makes Eric tick. My first impression of him in Fangtasia sitting on his thrown with his (highlighted) blond hair draped over his eye just so was that he's a poseur. That sort of dramatic posing is for show, it's not real. Not even in a thousand year old vampire. I'm not knocking the whole poseur thing as a characterization. I adored Spike and he was both melodramatic and a poseur. But the thing with Spike is that I understood what made Spike tick. I don't feel that I know Eric like that yet and that lack of understanding is keeping me at a distance from the character. Godric has helped because Godric was one of the two things connected to Eric that actually seemed real. Eric was truly devoted to Godric. And I also believed Eric when told Sookie not to use the word 'love' because it wasn't a word he understood. While Eric definitely loved Godric, I don't think he would actually think of it in those words. To him it was fealty. So this leaves me with a character that I think most of the time is being disingenuous but who I have little idea of who the authentic guy is. I hope that at some point they give us greater insight into Eric because right now he's still mostly a stranger.
Also while speaking of Eric. The Eric/Sookie dream was hot! However, unless they give me more insight into Eric (and make Sookie something... more...hmm... adult?) I'm not going to be rooting for them as a pair. I honestly do not get what Eric sees in Sookie. That isn't an insult of Sookie (even if she does frequently annoy me), it's that I just don't see the attraction she holds for Eric. Bill, I get. I may roll my eyes at the Bill/Sookie pairing, but I get what Bill sees in Sookie -- his lost humanity, the humanity he wants, the 'home' he lost. She's comforting and local and sunny and all these things work for Bill. And Sookie has placed a lot of her ideals in Bill, so she has investment. But Eric/Sookie? Thus far they don't fit.
On to the other parts of the episode:
Love Jessica/Hoyt. Aww. Those two I do understand. And yay, Hoyt for giving his bigoted Mom hell calling her on her being filled with hate -- You hate Methodists!. And Catholics. And black people! (to which she shushes him and tells him that's a secret). And she hates people who wear red shoes. (To which she implies that they're whorish). And poor Jessica... mentions red shoes. His mom's hate doesn't come from the logic of "I just don't want you to have a girlfriend who might eat you" and very much from her hating anything that threatens the world and the narrow way she wants to see it. Hoyt really is going to have to kick his mom to the curb. And because of the sweetness of Jessica/Hoyt I can't help fearing what might happen to them.
I also liked Arlene's request of Terry "don't be more peculiar than you usually are" (paraphrased).
And, Lafayette is back to awesome! Kick ass Lafayette! And kick Tara's ass because she's totally and completely lost herself.
Too many incest vibes in the Sookie/Jason scene though. And I swear when they're together they seem even more stupid than they usually do.
On the non-vampire front, Mad Men:
Wow, Betty is really toxic to her daughter. No wonder her daughter is desperately afraid of her daddy not coming home. To that child, Don is her supportive parent. And...wow, is that going to mess that child up.
Joan is still with Dr. Rapist which makes me sad and which, apparently, has her stress eating because her impressive bazoongas have increased to truly astounding proportions.
Loved Don's "Are they playing God or Darwin?" with the whole Pete vs. Ken competition regarding the head of accounts. I'm not sure which character has the edge -- Pete for his whiny bitch obsessiveness that will have him backstabbing every way he can, or Ken and his casual (though perhaps lackadaisical) confidence and sense of fair play.
Finally, the biggie scene of the night -- Sal's tryst with the bell hop. I'm surprised they got all of that past the censors. It was hot. And when Don saw it, you knew that Sal thought his entire world was about to come crashing down. Leading to the airplane scene with Don and Sal where Don's new slogan for London Fog is "limit your exposure"... and it seems fairly evident that this is a concept we're going to see play out over the season.
And, since I'm (mostly) on the subject of vampires:
I read
shadowkat67's post about BtVS Season 6. And I think shadowkat made excellent points. I think she(?) has a pretty solid take on what the writers were shooting for with the string of episodes between Doublemeat Palace and As You Were. Unfortunately, there's often a gap between what writers intend and the way that we experience episodes. I realize this because as I read what I think is a convincing take on what the writers intended, I still ache over the pain those episodes caused me as the viewer.I think the primary disconnect is that we are supposed to (and the writers intended us to) experience those episodes from Buffy's POV, and I just... didn't. I don't know whether this is purely a matter of how the episodes were written, though certainly it's part of it. But I also believe that it's at least partially due to SMG's performance. For Buffy to be my POV character, I have to understand and to feel at least part of what she feels and, unfortunately, Buffy for most of Season 6 (and often in Season 7) is an enigma to me. I don't know what she's feeling, what she's basing her choices on, or what she intends by the choices that she makes. So... am I to experience the episodes through the viewpoint of a character who is largely inaccessible to me or through the one who is vocal and wearing his heart -- as screwed-up and ill directed as it may be -- on his sleeve? Unfortunately for me as a viewer, emotions went with the accessible character and it makes a lot about those episodes rather painful.
That isn't to say that Spike was "good" for Buffy or "good" at all, it's just that I found Spike easier to understand. Sure, it's an immature and dysfunctional approach to a relationship to constantly try to 'be' whatever one thinks the loved one wants or needs or simply be whatever will attract the loved one's attention-- positive or negative -- even if it's self destructive or mutually destructive. Spike in Season 6 is constantly changing and adjusting to what Buffy needs or at least what pisses her off. Anything if she'll just see him (which is exactly what William said to Cecily, and which was always part of Spike). So when she's traumatized by resurrection, he's a gentle listener. And when she's looking for stress relief, he's quick with liquor or a marathon fuck. His effort to walk away with "Rest in Peace" didn't have a hope in hell of succeeding. And things just became more dysfunctional from there, as sifting through her intermittant, frequently non-vocal clues, he tailors himself to be whatever it is that best suits the situation at hand in the hopes of being something to her. It's not healthy, of course, but it is comprehensible. I cannot ever remember a moment where, at the heart of things, Buffy didn't have the emotional upper hand. Because Spike's heart was on his sleeve and his motivations obvious while hers were as elusive as quicksilver, she was the one who had the real power in the relationship. He was seeking her love, attention, and affection, not the other way around. Never the other way around. She was numb and distant. Closed-off and inaccessible. And, as is frequently the case, this lands her in the power-position emotionally. The one seeking rarely has the power of the one being sought, even when both are at the bottom of things, emotional wrecks. So, while yes there was a great deal of sexual politics going on. And the power plays between the two varied by episode with a great degree of give and take and brinkmanship. Emotionally? The ball was always in her court.
And in that line of thought, several years ago
rahirah postulated in a post (that I'm most probably misquoting and misremembering, so don't blame Barb for anything that I say) that in Season 6 Buffy was, for most of the season, playing at being the victim. That's not meant to say that she wasn't in a horrible position -- she was! It's not to say she didn't have horrible things done to her -- she did! And this is discussing everything prior to Seeing Red so this isnot including the AR. But it is about the fact that for all the horrible things that happened with the death and resurrection, power was never taken from Buffy. She abdicated it. Couldn't fix the pipes? Well, she could've charged Willow and Tara rent! (Hell, even freeloading and Greek God orgiastic-black-out-having Tara on True Blood managed to kick in for hot water heater repair). Buffy couldn't return to school? There are a lot of people who work their way through school. There are grants, loans, and scholarships. There's community college. And even if there's a possibility of failure there's just trying. The primary reason Buffy couldn't go to classes is that she skipped the deadlines to sign up. She never applied for a loan or a grant so she was never denied the opportunity. She just let the deadline come and go without making an effort. She had to work at a fast food joint... WHY?! It wasn't the current economy. There were other jobs out there. Heck, even in "Anne" she'd been a waitress and that would have at least given her tips in addition to her crappy salary. The thing is, every time Buffy surrendered to her numb struggle with life it was before the fight. She simply didn't try. She didn't want to have power over her own life. It was easier to sit back, abdicate power, and convince herself that it was all out of her control. She was, in a sense and in her own mind, 'the victim'... until she came to "Seeing Red" where pretending to be victim ran headlong into actually becoming one. And suddenly, when it was real, it scared the living hell out of her (and it should have). If you abdicate power over your own life long enough...well... bad things happen. (Which is not to say that she 'deserved it'. I'm not saying that. I'd never say that. No one 'deserves' that. But then a lot of things you don't deserve that happen to you. Heroism is in how you face it.)
Anyway, this is why I find Season 6 Buffy incredibly frustrating. If she was supposed to be my avatar in the world of BtVS that season... she wasn't. Not for me (despite knowing that Mutant Enemy truly, earnestly intended her to be.) It was easier for me to understand the guy who turned himself inside out trying to read her every emotional cue -- often getting it wrong and sometimes getting it too terribly right. I comprehended it because that was what I, as the viewer, was also trying to do -- trying to read and understand the elusive, enigmatic, ever-retreating Buffy. Ultimately, unfortunately, Spike was willing to debase himself or to debase her if he thought that was what would get her rocks off. Anything she ...er... I'll choose the word 'desired' though it isn't exactly that. All of this without the moral compass that would allow him to be the one to call it quits when -- God -- they were destroying each other. It was a clusterfuck of dysfunction on both their parts. Buffy wasn't the only one to abdicate power. Spike -- just as he sang -- became her 'willing slave,' mirroring back whatever vibe she was sending out. It was two wounded people causing each other yet more damage. But, ultimately, be it writing or performance, Spike was more the readily available emotionally and so the character that evoked most of my emotion is the one I most empathized with. And that's largely why to this day I find those episodes spectacularly painful.
I know I'm supposed to identify with our downtrodden heroine, but I can never quite get beyond the horror of what it must be like to have your love used as the method of choice for someone to debase themselves. How degrading and painful is that? How would it gut you to know that your feelings, your affection, your touch is the cudgel with which the one you love flagellates themselves? And who doesn't know, at one point or another in their lives, what it feels like to have their feelings stomped on or considered utterly unimportant? How many times was he told that all he felt wasn't real and certainly not meaningful because even if one conceded it was real 'to him' how belitting is that? It's almost worse because not only the feelings 'not real' the entire person is rendered as nothing because what is 'real' or important to him is seen as not real and worse than pointless to everyone else.
It is a horror.
Anyway, Spike was easier for me to understand and to relate to. Buffy in those days was always difficult to reach, difficult to define, and difficult to understand.
Both of them were dysfunctional. Both of them self-destructive. Both of them did horrible things and messed both themselves and each other up. But Buffy, despite being the titular character, wasn't -- for me -- the more easily accessed entrance to the story. In fact, at times, she was enigmatic to the point of indecipherable. And that period of story still breaks my heart.
ETA: Since this has been picked up and discussed elsewhere, I do want to add that when I say that I did not experience Season 6 through the Buffy POV, it's a personal reference. I did not. That is not to say that no one could. I realize that I am supposed to have. I realize that she was depressed and, for a supernatural superhero show, it's a reasonable depiction of depression. I know she was 'in a bad place'. That she is not the character I most connected with is a personal, subjective thing. I was only speaking for myself.
