For Real?

[shipperx]

As seen on Jezebel.com:

Can Evangelical Christian Rewrite of Harry Potter be for real?

Exciting news from the world of fan fiction! A writer who claims to be an Evangelical stay-at-home mom named Grace Ann has taken it upon herself to remove all the witchcraft devil-worship from Harry Potter and replace it with a more Christian-friendly message. Looks like someone has finally thought of the children — by stripping a children's book of the very thing that makes it fun to read.

"I'm new to this whole fanfiction thing, but recently, I've encountered a problem that I believe this is the solution to," Grace Ann wrote on FanFiction.net. "My little ones have been asking to read the Harry Potter books and of course I'm happy for them to be reading, but I don't want them turning into witches! So I thought 'Why not make some slight changes so these books are family friendly?' And then I thought 'Why not share this with all the other mommies who are facing the same problem?' So-Ta da! Here it is! I am SO excited to share this with all of you!"

There's no way that Grace Ann is for real, right? This is an internet prank? In this Jimmy Kimmel world, it's hard to tell anymore, but so far, the only website calling her story (called Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles) "satire" is using the word for legal reasons. Never does it say whether or not the piece itself is a joke. Sure, it's pretty out there, but not so far gone that it couldn't possibly be written in earnest...



It goes on to give an excruciating passage where Hagrid says that all good wizards Christians go to heaven while challenging Aunt Petunia to defend evolution (while having no concept of what it means and while referring to evolution as a religion).

More?

After Hagrid so expertly proves that God exists, he convinces Harry to travel to Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles using the power of prayer. There, they meet Reverend Albus Dumbledore and his lovely wife Minerva (!!!)

Gender roles? It's got your back (though I'm not sure how/when Hermione was adopted by Dumbldore... and became an airheaded nitwit.)

"Hermione, why don't you show our newest student to the dormitory?" Dumbledore suggested wisely.

"I'd love to, daddy," Hermione replied obediently with an innocent, girlish smile; and got to her feet; and smoothed out the skirt of her becoming, pink frock. "Should I clean the kitchen first?"

"I can take care of that tonight," the reverend's wife answered indulgently; and she was already beginning to clear the elegant, porcelain dishes.

"Thank you, mommy!" Hermione shouted gratefully; and she walked over to Harry. [who is stunned by this vision of girlhood because] ... [Evil Aunt Petunia] always said that pretty girls were shallow and not very smart and that a real woman put her career first and didn't care about her looks; but it only took one look at this godly young girl to realize just how wrong that was!

Also:

In this version of Harry Potter, Voldemort isn't so worried about the purity of wizard bloodlines or killing off muggles. Instead, his main goal is to limit Christians' right to freely practice religion.{...} Ron is a Slytherin (wrong), a.k.a Catholic. Luna Lovegood is a Hufflepuff (wrong), who I think are all Episcopalians or Unitarians, and Draco Malfoy is Ravenclaw (wrong), the religious equivalent of...something evil.

Full article (and more passages of the fanfic text) here

Comments

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

My Brain Hurts....

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

You need to read the article (or at least the comments to the article which quote other passages of the fanfic). The writer's obsession with chest hair and bacon is HILARIOUS!

[eilowyn.livejournal.com]

Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles is the name of my new death metal band.

[kikimay]

HAHAHAHAHA I can't believe it. I can't be real XD

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

I…what…NO. JUST NO.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

This sounds like it is going to be hysterically, awesomely terrible!

[deborahw37.livejournal.com]

Oh that's simply priceless!

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

Wow!

[elisi]

When Petunia is asked to prove evolution:

Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn't even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!

This can't possibly be real. Are there people who think evolution is a religion?

[londonkds.livejournal.com]

I seriously doubt whether anybody of that extreme a fundamentalist Protestant background would be willing to post on ffn.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

*snort*

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I keep changing my mind. On the one hand it is so consistently STUPID -- yet in a brilliantly skewering way -- that I think it has to be fake. On the other hand it misses Harry Potter basics in a way that wouldn't be mixed up by any Harry Potter fan (even for the sake of parody. I.E. making Draco a Ravenclaw... uh... whut?) that it doesn't seem to be the product of HP fandom either.

It's either brilliant satire by someone who is WAY overcommitted to their snark(the thing is multi-chaptered and apparently links to someone's website with an i.d. that goes along with the mindset of the fanfic), or someone actually is this paranoid (and obsessed with chest hair, adverbs, and bacon. LOL!)

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

There is that. I mean, if you're mega fundamentalist Christian (and the protest against birthdays would imply Jehovah's Witness) then the home of reams and reams of PWP and slash seems counter-intuitive.

I keep changing my mind.

On the one hand it is so consistently STUPID -- yet in a brilliantly skewering way -- that I think it has to be fake. On the other hand it misses Harry Potter basics in a way that wouldn't be mixed up by any Harry Potter fan (even for the sake of parody. I.E. making Draco a Ravenclaw... uh... whut?) that it doesn't seem to be the product of HP fandom either.

It's either brilliant satire by someone who is WAY overcommitted to their snark(the thing is multi-chaptered and apparently links to someone's website with an i.d. that goes along with the mindset of the fanfic), or someone actually is this paranoid (and obsessed with chest hair, adverbs, and bacon. LOL!)

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I may doubt whether or not this fic is fake, but there absolutely 100% ARE fundamentalists who scream that science and/or evolution are religions of secularists.

Epistemic closure can produce some mindboggling mindsets.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

You really need to read the outtakes in the comics. The chest hair obsessions and women being denied bacon comments alone are worth the LOLs.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Hilarious!

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Read the outtakes in the Jezebel comments. It is hysterically, awesomely terrible!

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

Reading the outtakes and comments on Jezebel made my day.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

This is so obviously fake it just has to be real.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

Me too - I can't believe someone wrote that!

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

I did. The commenters had me laughing and laughing.

[jerusha]

O.O

I...no. Oh, god, NO. Also, Hermione calling Dumbledore "daddy" just...EW.

[londonkds.livejournal.com]

Another possibility that might explain the length and detailed website - this has been created by more than one person in collaboration.

Hopefully it won't turn out to be some kind of commercial stealth marketing campaign.