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I cracked the hell up over this bit on Colbert last night, because it happened. And the ax weilding hithhiker is the hero of the story!
Transcript:
[video clip]
FEMALE WITNESS IN A FOOTBALL JERSEY: He just kept saying he was Jesus Christ and he was going to save all of us, but we have to get... he used the n-word, meaning black people, and we need to get them off the earth. Then he started beating the crap out of me. [/video clip]
COLBERT: Okay, I think it's safe to assume two things here. One, that this driver isn't really Jesus. And two, he's also not a Packers fan (referring to the football jersey worn by the witness).
COLBERT: Okay, so Kai, our hitchiker with the ax, who I will remind you is the hero of this story, sprang into action.
[video clip]
KAI (CRUNCHY SURFER DUDE): And f@#%, this buddy gets out and these two women are trying to help {the guy hit by the insane Jesus driver's car}. And he runs up and grabs one of them, man. A guy that big could snap a woman's neck like a pencil stick! So I {unintelligible} up behind him with my hatchet and smash, smash, smuAHHHsh![/video clip]
COLBERT: Yeah. Thanks to Kai, the man hit by the (insane Jesus driver's) car is okay, the innocent bystander is okay, and, for the first time in history, people are saying, boy, we sure are lucky that hitchiker was carrying a hatchet!
COLBERT: And remember, this situation could happen to any one of us because Kai said the driver 'came to realize' that he was Jesus -- in the middle of driving. Who knows when I will come to realize this. And folks, when I do, I'm going to want someone like Kai in my passenger seat, because he knows what to do.
[video clip]
KAI: I was like, bro, if you're Jesus Christ, I'll be like the anti-Christ, man, because f@#% that shit! [/video clip]
COLBERT: Kai here, of course is quoting scripture. Matthew 25, which reads: "For many will come in my name, claiming that I am the Christ and will deceive many, but one will be like bro, if you're f**king Jesus Christ, I'll be the anti-Christ, man. F**k that shit."
COLBERT: So, nation, I encourage you to pick-up axe-wielding hitchikers whenever you can...
Transcript:
[video clip]
FEMALE WITNESS IN A FOOTBALL JERSEY: He just kept saying he was Jesus Christ and he was going to save all of us, but we have to get... he used the n-word, meaning black people, and we need to get them off the earth. Then he started beating the crap out of me. [/video clip]
COLBERT: Okay, I think it's safe to assume two things here. One, that this driver isn't really Jesus. And two, he's also not a Packers fan (referring to the football jersey worn by the witness).
COLBERT: Okay, so Kai, our hitchiker with the ax, who I will remind you is the hero of this story, sprang into action.
[video clip]
KAI (CRUNCHY SURFER DUDE): And f@#%, this buddy gets out and these two women are trying to help {the guy hit by the insane Jesus driver's car}. And he runs up and grabs one of them, man. A guy that big could snap a woman's neck like a pencil stick! So I {unintelligible} up behind him with my hatchet and smash, smash, smuAHHHsh![/video clip]
COLBERT: Yeah. Thanks to Kai, the man hit by the (insane Jesus driver's) car is okay, the innocent bystander is okay, and, for the first time in history, people are saying, boy, we sure are lucky that hitchiker was carrying a hatchet!
COLBERT: And remember, this situation could happen to any one of us because Kai said the driver 'came to realize' that he was Jesus -- in the middle of driving. Who knows when I will come to realize this. And folks, when I do, I'm going to want someone like Kai in my passenger seat, because he knows what to do.
[video clip]
KAI: I was like, bro, if you're Jesus Christ, I'll be like the anti-Christ, man, because f@#% that shit! [/video clip]
COLBERT: Kai here, of course is quoting scripture. Matthew 25, which reads: "For many will come in my name, claiming that I am the Christ and will deceive many, but one will be like bro, if you're f**king Jesus Christ, I'll be the anti-Christ, man. F**k that shit."
COLBERT: So, nation, I encourage you to pick-up axe-wielding hitchikers whenever you can...
