Nashville

Thank you Nashville for a season premiere that showcased every single thing that annoyed the ever-living crap out of me about the show... then doubling-down on it.

Soap Opera cliches out the whazoo.

Look, I'm okay with using genre cliches (See: Sleepy Hollow), but if you're going to use cliches, for God's sake do it in a way that shows you are in on the joke.  There should be some humor and lightness to it.  It should at least be FUN.    Nashville is just... dire.  And all of the soapiest of soap cliches are not only used straight but are treated as though they are actually supposed to be surprising.

They aren't.  They weren't 30 years ago and they sure as hell are not now.

Even worse than the oh-no- it's-serious soap cliches (Come on, with coma as a plot point, there has to be an oblique Smiths reference, right?) Their #2 Mary Sue is at her Mary Sue-iest in the middle of a 'love triangle' (that re-triangulated at light speed since it's literally supposed to be 2 weeks after last season's finale which had good-guy-turned-douchebag not show up to Mary Sue's debut and generally being an asshole... and two weeks later he's whiplashed back to 'good guy' who desperately wants to win Mary Sue back because she's the love of his life.  (And GH's Lucky, please, skip mooning over Mary Sue.  Hayden P's character may be a bitch, but she's also the only interesting character on the show.  Lucky, you were screwed enough on GH.  Go quickly towards the more interesting storyline.  Just sayin').

Most annoying of all, is the true central Mary Sue of the show...  I swear to God, I think I freaking hate Connie Britton's character.  They were LITERALLY calling her character a freaking saint and had a full-time CNN updates going on her health crisis.  Christ on a popcicle stick!

Look, I loved CB on Friday Night Lights, but her Nashville character is an annoying, ever-propped, self-righteous, hypocritical know-it-all who is worshipped ceaselessly in the writing such that she's made to win everything ever.  I root against her just because the show makes it so damn clear that we're supposed to think she's Mary Sue dipped in 70% dark chocolate with gold dust and unicorn sparkles.  Ughh!

And I spent the last two minutes swearing that if they went through with what they were hinting (waking from a coma with convenient amnesia) I was literally going to toss something at the television set.

Egads.

Look Nashville, you don't write shit this stupid unless you're going to go all-in and make it so OTT that it does a 180 and becomes fun.  This shit isn't fun.  It's just stupid.

Serious doubts that I'll stick through this one through a Season 2.  Only thing that has me watching now is Hayden P's (correctly executed OTT bitchiness) and GH's Lucky.  Everyone else can join Boardwalk Empire's cast of repulsive characters (save Richard Harrow) slow-roasting on a spit in hell (Yes, they are that annoying.)

TVGuide Thursday

Comebacks are big news this fall — James Spader enjoyed one on Monday with the splashy premiere of NBC's The Blacklist — and nowhere is this more true than on Thursdays, with three high-profile comedy vehicles for beloved stars from sitcoms past. And while conventional wisdom has long suggested that it's easier to create new stars on TV — Sleepy Hollow's Tom Mison, anyone? — than to build new shows around old favorites, what really matters is giving them material that lives up to the billing.

Speaking of billing, two NBC sitcoms scream "look-who's-back" by putting their leading man's name in the title. Of the two, The Michael J. Fox Show does a much better job than Sean Hayes's Sean Saves the World (which opens next week) at showcasing its marquee in a way that feels real and refreshingly funny.

Fox's show (premiering with back-to-back episodes at 9/8c and its regular time period of 9:30/8:30c) manages the neat trick of both affirming and deflating Michael J. Fox's "world's most beloved man" image, as a celebrity (a New York City TV anchor returning to the spotlight) who's deemed a hero as he deals with his Parkinson's disability, but is even more adept at acting the fool within his own bustling and exasperated family.

"Can you not have a personal victory right now?" snaps his supporting — but only to a point — wife (smartly played by Breaking Bad's Betsy Brandt) as he gamely tries to serve dinner to the hungry brood. Despite a cliché video-journal gimmick that has everyone talking to the camera Modern Family style, which ends up belaboring each point, and schmaltzy life lessons ("Sometimes you underestimate the ones you love") wrapping each of the three episodes I've screened, the Fox Show has an appealingly unforced rhythm to its humor. Whether he's annoying his kids or sparring at work with a viper co-worker (a very funny Anne Heche), Fox is an affable charmer who honestly earns our affections.

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Whereas the most surprising thing about CBS's The Crazy Ones (9/8c) is that, even with Robin Williams at its center as a manic ad-agency executive, it could stand to be crazier, and funnier. Landing this legendary live wire was a coup for CBS, and while it seems like an inspired match to pair him with exec producer David E. Kelley (who though a sitcom novice has been veering more heavily into comedy in his dramas for years), the result is a mostly wan workplace sitcom hamstrung by the premise of yoking Williams to a wet-blanket daughter as business partner (Sarah Michelle Gellar, not exactly in her element).

The co-star who really pops is James Wolk (playing his second ad man in a year after Mad Men's infamous Bob Benson) as the agency's rakishly handsome creative director, whose rapport with Williams is evident and infectious as they riff together on their latest pitch. Though weirdly, the first episode feels almost like a commercial for McDonald's, built around an effort to woo Kelly Clarkson to re-record the classic "You Deserve a Break Today" jingle. I'll give The Crazy Ones a break and the benefit of the doubt by saying it's the kind of show and ensemble (including the gifted but so-far-underused Hamish Linklater) that could very easily gel over time. As with Fox's show at NBC, this one's going to get a long leash to figure itself out.

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After all, one show that definitely improved over time is NBC's Parks and Recreation, which offers the night's most appealing episode in its super-sized sixth-season opener (8/7c), an hour-long jaunt to London for Leslie (Amy Poehler) and her Pawnee posse — including xenophobic Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), who can't take in the fresh air without remarking on "the foul stench of European socialism." Leslie, overdue for a confidence boost in the midst of a town recall, earns recognition (thanks to April, of all people) from an International Coalition of Women in Government, and while she tries to heal her bruised psyche with this respite from her literally thankless job, Andy (Chris Pratt) gets the best subplot, bonding with a carefree nobleman (Peter Serafinowicz) who has money to burn — hopefully in the direction of Ben's charity. And while I was less enchanted by the antics of Tom (Aziz Ansari) trying to save his Rent-a-Swag business back in Hoosier-land, there's a fun surprise when we learn who's trying to take him down.

Several of the night's more established shows are also experiencing growth spurts this premiere week, including Parks' mega-hit competition on CBS: The Big Bang Theory (8/7c), opening its seventh season with back-to-back episodes dealing with the impact on the gang of Leonard's (Johnny Galecki) mission to the North Sea.

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Joining Parks for a special London outing: CBS's enjoyable Elementary (10:01/9:01c), which takes Sherlock (Jonny Lee Miller) back to his old stomping and sleuthing grounds, with Watson (Lucy Liu) in tow, to help a mentor with an unsolved case. Along the way, he encounters his estranged brother Mycroft (Rhys Ifans), which promises to set off some familial fireworks.