It's Funny Because It's True
Jun. 14th, 2007 12:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shipperxSmart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels link gakked from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ljs
I have to say that from the authors I recognize and whose works I've read, these (selected) observations by the bitches seem to be right on the mark:
Cassie Edwards: Potted Meat Food product. It’s marketed as food, and it tries very, very hard to be food, but ultimately, it’s Food Product. Frighteningly ubiquitous, and therefore even more terrifying.
Laura Kinsale: Saffron. Rare and exclusive, but packs a huge wallop when used.
Laurell K. Hamilton: Cilantro. Some people LOVE her to the point of OMG obsession, and some people cannot stand her and think she tastes like soap.
Julia Quinn: Trifle. Light, happy, not too maudlin, not too filling to be an after-dinner treat.
Catherine Coulter: Deep fried Twinkies. Once upon a time, it was a good junk food. Now? Not good at all.
Lisa Kleypas: A basic chocolate layer cake. Sometimes absolutely spectacular, sometimes pretty bland and chewy with frosting that’s too sweet, but dude, it’s still chocolate cake.
Patricia Gaffney: A big bowl of hearty stew that’ll warm you to your toes and make you feel good. Unless it’s the older bodice ripper novels she wrote for Leisure, in which case, she’s cheese. Perhaps Swiss, for the plot holes.
Dara Joy: American Cheese. Cheesy, yet weirdly plastic, completely unearthly, not quite a food.
(Still have horrors of one Dara Joy I read. Bad doesn't begin to cover it)
Judith McNaught: Grocery-store cupcakes. Sometimes, you just crave them, so you buy a box and eat, like, a dozen in a row. And you suddenly realize that you feel a bit boofy because they’re way too sweet and greasy, and not only that, they have the same basic taste, even though they claim to have different flavors and frostings.
Danielle Steel: Cheez doodles.
Diana Palmer: Biscuits. Made by virgins. Who are mistaken for whores by hard-faced Texan cowboys with women issues the size of, uh, Texas.
Stephanie Laurens’- Cynster series: Pocky. There’s Almond Pocky, Strawberry Pocky, Green Tea Pocky, Coconut Pocky, Milk Pocky, Honey Pocky, Grape Pocky--Pocky Pocky Pocky. All variations of “sweet crap coating a pretzel stick.” And really, if “sweet crap coating a pretzel stick” doesn’t accurately describe all the humpings in a Laurens novel, we don’t know what does.
ljs I have to say that from the authors I recognize and whose works I've read, these (selected) observations by the bitches seem to be right on the mark:
What kind of food would a romance author be…...if a romance author could be food?
Cassie Edwards: Potted Meat Food product. It’s marketed as food, and it tries very, very hard to be food, but ultimately, it’s Food Product. Frighteningly ubiquitous, and therefore even more terrifying.
Laura Kinsale: Saffron. Rare and exclusive, but packs a huge wallop when used.
Laurell K. Hamilton: Cilantro. Some people LOVE her to the point of OMG obsession, and some people cannot stand her and think she tastes like soap.
Julia Quinn: Trifle. Light, happy, not too maudlin, not too filling to be an after-dinner treat.
Catherine Coulter: Deep fried Twinkies. Once upon a time, it was a good junk food. Now? Not good at all.
Lisa Kleypas: A basic chocolate layer cake. Sometimes absolutely spectacular, sometimes pretty bland and chewy with frosting that’s too sweet, but dude, it’s still chocolate cake.
Patricia Gaffney: A big bowl of hearty stew that’ll warm you to your toes and make you feel good. Unless it’s the older bodice ripper novels she wrote for Leisure, in which case, she’s cheese. Perhaps Swiss, for the plot holes.
Dara Joy: American Cheese. Cheesy, yet weirdly plastic, completely unearthly, not quite a food.
(Still have horrors of one Dara Joy I read. Bad doesn't begin to cover it)
Judith McNaught: Grocery-store cupcakes. Sometimes, you just crave them, so you buy a box and eat, like, a dozen in a row. And you suddenly realize that you feel a bit boofy because they’re way too sweet and greasy, and not only that, they have the same basic taste, even though they claim to have different flavors and frostings.
Danielle Steel: Cheez doodles.
Diana Palmer: Biscuits. Made by virgins. Who are mistaken for whores by hard-faced Texan cowboys with women issues the size of, uh, Texas.
Stephanie Laurens’- Cynster series: Pocky. There’s Almond Pocky, Strawberry Pocky, Green Tea Pocky, Coconut Pocky, Milk Pocky, Honey Pocky, Grape Pocky--Pocky Pocky Pocky. All variations of “sweet crap coating a pretzel stick.” And really, if “sweet crap coating a pretzel stick” doesn’t accurately describe all the humpings in a Laurens novel, we don’t know what does.
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no subject
Date: 2007-06-14 06:35 pm (UTC)Bwah! How true.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-19 03:15 am (UTC)Holy Crap!
Date: 2007-06-14 08:11 pm (UTC)I *heart* trashy novels. I have to LMAO at your Diana Palmer descriptions, cause it's so true, and the Cynsters. Bwahaaa.
But have you read Edith Layton? Cause she's a whole pile of awesome.
Re: Holy Crap!
Date: 2007-06-15 01:51 am (UTC)And I also laughed at the Catherine Coulter description as a fried twinkie. Good lord, her books have gotten bad.
And, yeah, I've read many a Edith Layton. :)
Fried Twinkie?
Date: 2007-06-15 03:59 am (UTC)I hate to say it, but I'm not seeing any new writers coming out that are even the slightest bit interesting to me. I'll still read an Edith Layton, a Stephanie Laurens, heck even Nora Roberts (the Eve Dallas series only) I just about had to bleach my eyes after the Lifetime TV tie in to Blue Smoke/Angels Falls and that other one- gah.
I've started reading non-fiction lately. Bodice Rippers (or, as my sister and I refer to them "slut books") have kinda meh-ed out for me.
If you see anything good, you should post and let those of us who are hiding under a rock know about them!
no subject
Date: 2007-06-14 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-15 01:48 am (UTC)Laura Kinsale - Flowers from the Storm (http://www.amazon.com/Flowers-Storm-Laura-Kinsale/dp/0380761327/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181868867&sr=1-1) (Kinsale always marches to her own drummer)
Laurel K. Hamilton - Guilty Pleasures (http://www.amazon.com/Guilty-Pleasures-Anita-Vampire-Hunter/dp/051513449X/ref=sr_1_5_s9_rk/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&s9r=8a1080b611c256510111c99812c100e9&itemPosition=5&qid=1181868974&sr=1-5) (her books slowly devolved into PWP porn)
Julia Quinn - Splendid (http://www.amazon.com/Splendid-Julia-Quinn/dp/0380780747/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181869558&sr=1-2) (Her books are mostly fluffy romantic comedy)
Catherine Coulter - The Wild Baron (http://www.amazon.com/Wild-Baron-Catherine-Coulter/dp/0515120448/ref=sr_1_32/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181869969&sr=1-32) (she has the very unfortunate tendency toward bodice ripping that... yeah, you have to call it rape)
Lisa Kleypas - Then Came You (http://www.amazon.com/Then-Came-You-Lisa-Kleypas/dp/038077013X/ref=sr_1_15/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181870244&sr=1-15)
Patricia Gaffney - Crooked Hearts (http://www.amazon.com/Crooked-Hearts-Patricia-Gaffney/dp/0451204794/ref=pd_sim_b_3/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&qid=1181870543&sr=1-12)
Dara Joy - Ritual of Proof (http://www.amazon.com/Ritual-Proof-Dara-Joy/dp/0380812525/ref=sr_1_8/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181870709&sr=1-8) (This book is SOOOOOOO awful that I think I'm scarred for life for having read half of it!)
Judith McNaught - Something Wonderful (http://www.amazon.com/Something-Wonderful-Judith-McNaught/dp/0671737635/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181871202&sr=1-3) Her books are sweeter than syrup and just as likely to cause diabetes... but when I was fifteen, I adored them.
Diana Palmer - Long, Tall Texans (http://www.amazon.com/Long-Tall-Texans-Calhoun-Justin/dp/0373484593/ref=sr_1_10/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181871587&sr=1-10) Stephanie Laurens - Devil's Bride (http://www.amazon.com/Devils-Cynster-Novels-Stephanie-Laurens/dp/038079456X/ref=sr_1_22/002-7708263-2448031?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1181871734&sr=1-22) (Fun but silly, and after a few you realize that they are all alike).
no subject
Date: 2007-06-15 11:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-17 12:52 am (UTC)I especially loved the comparison of Harlequin Presents to instant ramen noodles. Those things are not good for you but sometimes you need that instant fix, you know?
no subject
Date: 2007-06-19 03:16 am (UTC)