shipperx | I'm So Stuck (Reply)

I worked on fanfic this weekend and actually managed to get some work done (about 15 pages. I know, I know, I'm sloooowww). The thing is, I'm at that point in the story where I feel like I've got a million and two things in play and no idea how to pull everything together. Also, the characters aren't cooperating. Giles is being a murderous dick, and Buffy. . . Sigh. Buffy is such a mess. Not only can she not figure out what's going on inside her, I can't either.

I think part of the problem is that this is a scene I've planned to have since the beginning. For some reason whenever I have those and I actually reach the point of writing the scene, it feels like hitting a brick wall.

The scene is the Buffy/Giles confrontation after she has figured out that Spike has only pretended to be on the dark side and that Giles had been in on the lie all along. Buffy runs out of the Magic Box. Giles follows, and he finds her standing outside the Crawford Street Mansion. To his surprise she doesn't throw a hissy-fit about his secret but says that she understands why he doesn't trust her. She doesn't trust herself.

I planned and outlined this fic so long ago that I don't always remember where I got the ideas for certain things, but I'm pretty sure chunks of this have to do with the episode "Selfless." Buffy's "I'll never love anything in this life!" (IMO pathetic) cry had a ring of truth to it. Sure the writers may have meant it as Bungle "twu wuv 4 eva!" but it played to me as though Buffy's emotional development ground to a halt when she had to kill Angel. And, the truth is, I believe it did. At this point I'm not trying to solve this problem, but I had intended it to at least reveal the problem to Giles and to Buffy. The thing is, self-awareness is so not a Buffy trait, so I can't go overboard on Buffiphany. Plus, Giles --having been infected by Season 7 Giles -- is now running around insisting that the de-chipped Spike must be executed. (To be fair, my Giles doesn't know that Spike has a soul. . . but then neither does Buffy). In the original outline, Giles was apologetic for the secret and Buffy was asserting her independence. But LMPTM is infecting the fic and Giles is more ruthless now. I had wondered if his new stance was contradictory. Early in the story Giles made the statement that you don't kill people who are trying to help you (unless they pose certain danger.) But I <i>did</i> always have Giles state the "pose a danger" exception, and the 'don't kill' statement was prior to his discovering the AR. I don't really consider Giles uascharacteristically hypocritical here. The thing is (sigh) this is difficult. I can't go too far because Buff can't make great developmental strides at this point. But if I do too little, the scene is nearly pointless. There are real emotional issues to be brought up but I feel like I can't find a firm grasp on them. Plus, for plotting reasons (and to increase tension in the upcoming Buffy/Spike confrontation) I'm going to withold what decision is reached in the scene.

And...tired now. Too much thinking. You would think with a rather detailed outline, each chapter wouldn't be this difficult.