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shipperxWell, I was a total bum today (although that's kind of nice for me). Spent most of the day watching DVDs. I watched De-lovely that was about the life of Cole Porter. Interesting movie with it mixing his music with a slightly surreal presentation of his marriage. I found Ashley Judd's character rather enigmatic. After all, she knowingly married a gay man. I wondered with the line that to Porter was more interested in men than she was whether they were saying that she was also gay, but there's no hint of that in the movie. Was she supposedly just uninterested in sex? It was mentioned more than once that she would have considered sex with a man as something she could easily live without. I never really thought she was presented as so in love with him that she overlooked the fact that he was gay. She's presented as loving him, but it never came across as "in love." Although I do understand how she could have gone into the marriage with open eyes and yet still find that such an arragement is easier in theory than in practice. Eventually there was a breach in the relationship, presented pretty much as a matter that he became so indiscreet that it began to endanger his career and she considered his career/talent to be paramount and she was unhappy about his endangering/wasting it.
And it's easy to understand Porter. In that time period having a wife would vastly help his career. In the society where he mingled he was openly homosexual yet it wouldn't have been accepted by the masses so having a wife was protection. He was honest with her throughout. There were no illusions between them. And they cared for each other. He for most intents and purposes had a successful and happy life and yet his life was never entirely happy. He loved his wife but wasn't IN love with her. And it never seems he found real love elsewhere, just a series of affairs with handsome young men. The only two that seem to have been given any importance being the ballet dancer and his companion after Linda's death. Interesting that the movie implies that she hand-picked his male companion to live with/take care of him after her death. I wonder how true that was. Looking up Porter's history online, though, it seems difficult to make the timeline work because in the movie it looked as though Bill stayed with him from prior to Linda's death until very close to Porter's death which they imply in the movie was immediately after Porter had his leg amputated. However, it appears that she died in 1954. His leg was amputated in 1958. And he didn't die until the mid-nineteen-sixties.
The second movie I watched was Wimbolden which is a nice, light romance. Cute leading man (what's-his-name, the imaginary friend in "A Beautiful Mind") Nothing particularly unusual in the story, but an enjoyable little movie.
And I ended up speaking for a long time today with an old friend. She had sent me a Christmas card last year so I sent her one this year and put my cell phone number on it telling her to call. I don't think we've spoken to each other in...well... honestly, I don't think we've spoken since her poor sister's funeral which was several years ago.
S---- and I have a long history. I think we became friends when I was 3 or so. I barely remember meeting her, but I have pictures of her from some of my earliest birthday parties. She lived about 4 or 5 houses down the street from me. We used to play in the woods behind her house all the time and her little sister (also named Lisa) always played our brother. (The other Lisa was quite the tomboy. I never quite understood why she always played brother opposite to her sister and myself playing sisters). We had treehouses and forts and pretty much constantly played in the woods in winter and swam at my house in Summer. In high school we were both cheeleaders (from 6th grade through graduation) and we were college roomates for two years, then we had something of a falling out.
In college S----, who had always been religious, became very, very, VERY religious. (I remember becoming quite rueful when she up and threw out ALL of her "secular music"/ cassette tapes when I was a college sophomore. I kept saying "Well, you could have thrown them MY way! I would have taken the R.E.M. and the Billy Joel!" I also remember her and a few friends wanting to go out and protest the "Last Temptation of Christ" and I...welll... sort of teased (okay, openly mocked) them. Also of some amusement (though I should be ashamed to admit it amused me) was when she applied to be a missionary with her religious group but was turned down because she admitted on the form that she wasn't a virgin. Hell, I thought she deserved credit for not having lied on the form since she knew they were so hinky about these things! (but then I guess that's why I'm the un-religious one. After I come from a family where my mother happily calls us all pagans). S---- and I had grown up together but we were so, so clearly living in entirely different worlds by that point.
The falling out between us had to do (as many young girl's falling outs have to do) with a guy. But not in the ordinary way. In S----'s religious, group one of the guys we were both casually acquantaince/friends with had also had a sudden/huge religious conversion. I still remember his coming up to us at the War Eagle cafeteria saying "I'm on FIRE for god." Um... yeah. I had become something of a contrast to S---- since she was so religious and I was hanging out with black-clad art and architecture majors. These were NOT the most similar of groups. Anyway, this particular guy was gay. Always had been since we'd known him. But upon his religious conversion was supposedly suddenly straight. He also had AIDS. And some 8 weeks later S----- announced that she and he were going to get married.
Um... yeah. I was far less than supportive of this engagement. I felt that she had fallen into some Florence Nightengale complex. Be friends with him. Be supportive of him. But MARRY him? Hello! She was straight and while she might think sudden religiosity would change his sexual orientation, I certainly didn't believe it. He was in quite an emotional flux upon leaning he had AIDS. I understood his floundering and in retrospect his "I'm on fire for God" moment made much more sense. Be his friend, but for goodness sake she did NOT need to marry this guy. Having peeved S---- with lack of support for the situation she began freezing me out which upset me. I ended up discussing this situation with my mother, who in turn (despite my misgivings) ended up discussing this situation with S----'s mother which led to the final falling out between us. (Her mom totally hit the ROOF when she found out). S--- was quite angry with me. (Hence the acusations of how I wasn't supportive of her engagement. Well, no, I wasn't supportive. I thought it had disaster written all over it. Yes, she had a good heart and wanted to help the guy, but marriage wasn't what I considered the thing to do. Helping him be honest with himself and accept his sexual orientation would have been better. But then I really didn't understand the religious group they had both become a part of, so my views tended to be quite different from hers.) She moved out of our apartment and didn't speak to me again for three years until three days before her wedding to a different guy.
I was incredibly hurt that she had waited until three days before the wedding to call me. For 19 years we had sworn we'd be maids-of-honor at each other's weddings and not only had she not spoken to me in three years but didn't even send me a real invitation to her wedding. I made up an excuse and didn't go. It was all quite painful. About 6 months later she wrote a letter asking me why I hadn't come to the wedding and how sad she was about our estrangement. In a letter back to her I sort of poured out my own feelings of having been hurt by her last minute inviation and by the three years preceding it. We corresponded and saw each other from time to time (usually at Christmas) for a few years.
About 5 years ago her younger sister got engaged (the one who used to play our little brother.) And immediately upon her engagement she was diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer. Her fiance deserves a great deal of credit. He said that they'd move up the wedding and be married immediately. I actually count this as the nicest wedding I've ever been to. There was no planning to speak of. A guy said that they could use his home for the wedding. And people who knew them (myself included) went out and bought flowers, made the food, she wore S----'s dress, and they were married ASAP. It was lovely because it was so simple and yet so heartfelt. She died less than a year later. The poor girl was only about 26 years old. Both my sister and myself had attended Lisa's funeral.
Anyway, I hadn't spoken to S---- since until today. It was nice speaking to her. Strange how the two of us who grew up practically in each other's pockets, in houses less than a block apart, going to the same schools, on the same cheerleading squad, and college roomates have grown so far apart. We can still fall into easy conversations (we spoke for well over an hour) but our lives are just so, so, SO different. I'm the unmarried professional. She's the homemaker wife of a church's musical director. Listening to her, she's still as religious as ever. She home schools her three children, and even in her 1 hour conversation she spoke a great deal about her church. Myself? The only time I've been to church in the last five years are the Christmas song festival's at my neice's school (She goes to an Episcopalian school... even though no one in the family is Episcopalian. Go figure). I'm also the person who took perverse amusement in telling two Mormon's who came to the house "No" when they asked whether I was a Christian (the non-plussed looks on their faces was so worth that "no.")
It's just interesting how people of such near identical backgrounds can grow into such near polar-opposite people. It was nice hearing from her though.
And it's easy to understand Porter. In that time period having a wife would vastly help his career. In the society where he mingled he was openly homosexual yet it wouldn't have been accepted by the masses so having a wife was protection. He was honest with her throughout. There were no illusions between them. And they cared for each other. He for most intents and purposes had a successful and happy life and yet his life was never entirely happy. He loved his wife but wasn't IN love with her. And it never seems he found real love elsewhere, just a series of affairs with handsome young men. The only two that seem to have been given any importance being the ballet dancer and his companion after Linda's death. Interesting that the movie implies that she hand-picked his male companion to live with/take care of him after her death. I wonder how true that was. Looking up Porter's history online, though, it seems difficult to make the timeline work because in the movie it looked as though Bill stayed with him from prior to Linda's death until very close to Porter's death which they imply in the movie was immediately after Porter had his leg amputated. However, it appears that she died in 1954. His leg was amputated in 1958. And he didn't die until the mid-nineteen-sixties.
The second movie I watched was Wimbolden which is a nice, light romance. Cute leading man (what's-his-name, the imaginary friend in "A Beautiful Mind") Nothing particularly unusual in the story, but an enjoyable little movie.
And I ended up speaking for a long time today with an old friend. She had sent me a Christmas card last year so I sent her one this year and put my cell phone number on it telling her to call. I don't think we've spoken to each other in...well... honestly, I don't think we've spoken since her poor sister's funeral which was several years ago.
S---- and I have a long history. I think we became friends when I was 3 or so. I barely remember meeting her, but I have pictures of her from some of my earliest birthday parties. She lived about 4 or 5 houses down the street from me. We used to play in the woods behind her house all the time and her little sister (also named Lisa) always played our brother. (The other Lisa was quite the tomboy. I never quite understood why she always played brother opposite to her sister and myself playing sisters). We had treehouses and forts and pretty much constantly played in the woods in winter and swam at my house in Summer. In high school we were both cheeleaders (from 6th grade through graduation) and we were college roomates for two years, then we had something of a falling out.
In college S----, who had always been religious, became very, very, VERY religious. (I remember becoming quite rueful when she up and threw out ALL of her "secular music"/ cassette tapes when I was a college sophomore. I kept saying "Well, you could have thrown them MY way! I would have taken the R.E.M. and the Billy Joel!" I also remember her and a few friends wanting to go out and protest the "Last Temptation of Christ" and I...welll... sort of teased (okay, openly mocked) them. Also of some amusement (though I should be ashamed to admit it amused me) was when she applied to be a missionary with her religious group but was turned down because she admitted on the form that she wasn't a virgin. Hell, I thought she deserved credit for not having lied on the form since she knew they were so hinky about these things! (but then I guess that's why I'm the un-religious one. After I come from a family where my mother happily calls us all pagans). S---- and I had grown up together but we were so, so clearly living in entirely different worlds by that point.
The falling out between us had to do (as many young girl's falling outs have to do) with a guy. But not in the ordinary way. In S----'s religious, group one of the guys we were both casually acquantaince/friends with had also had a sudden/huge religious conversion. I still remember his coming up to us at the War Eagle cafeteria saying "I'm on FIRE for god." Um... yeah. I had become something of a contrast to S---- since she was so religious and I was hanging out with black-clad art and architecture majors. These were NOT the most similar of groups. Anyway, this particular guy was gay. Always had been since we'd known him. But upon his religious conversion was supposedly suddenly straight. He also had AIDS. And some 8 weeks later S----- announced that she and he were going to get married.
Um... yeah. I was far less than supportive of this engagement. I felt that she had fallen into some Florence Nightengale complex. Be friends with him. Be supportive of him. But MARRY him? Hello! She was straight and while she might think sudden religiosity would change his sexual orientation, I certainly didn't believe it. He was in quite an emotional flux upon leaning he had AIDS. I understood his floundering and in retrospect his "I'm on fire for God" moment made much more sense. Be his friend, but for goodness sake she did NOT need to marry this guy. Having peeved S---- with lack of support for the situation she began freezing me out which upset me. I ended up discussing this situation with my mother, who in turn (despite my misgivings) ended up discussing this situation with S----'s mother which led to the final falling out between us. (Her mom totally hit the ROOF when she found out). S--- was quite angry with me. (Hence the acusations of how I wasn't supportive of her engagement. Well, no, I wasn't supportive. I thought it had disaster written all over it. Yes, she had a good heart and wanted to help the guy, but marriage wasn't what I considered the thing to do. Helping him be honest with himself and accept his sexual orientation would have been better. But then I really didn't understand the religious group they had both become a part of, so my views tended to be quite different from hers.) She moved out of our apartment and didn't speak to me again for three years until three days before her wedding to a different guy.
I was incredibly hurt that she had waited until three days before the wedding to call me. For 19 years we had sworn we'd be maids-of-honor at each other's weddings and not only had she not spoken to me in three years but didn't even send me a real invitation to her wedding. I made up an excuse and didn't go. It was all quite painful. About 6 months later she wrote a letter asking me why I hadn't come to the wedding and how sad she was about our estrangement. In a letter back to her I sort of poured out my own feelings of having been hurt by her last minute inviation and by the three years preceding it. We corresponded and saw each other from time to time (usually at Christmas) for a few years.
About 5 years ago her younger sister got engaged (the one who used to play our little brother.) And immediately upon her engagement she was diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer. Her fiance deserves a great deal of credit. He said that they'd move up the wedding and be married immediately. I actually count this as the nicest wedding I've ever been to. There was no planning to speak of. A guy said that they could use his home for the wedding. And people who knew them (myself included) went out and bought flowers, made the food, she wore S----'s dress, and they were married ASAP. It was lovely because it was so simple and yet so heartfelt. She died less than a year later. The poor girl was only about 26 years old. Both my sister and myself had attended Lisa's funeral.
Anyway, I hadn't spoken to S---- since until today. It was nice speaking to her. Strange how the two of us who grew up practically in each other's pockets, in houses less than a block apart, going to the same schools, on the same cheerleading squad, and college roomates have grown so far apart. We can still fall into easy conversations (we spoke for well over an hour) but our lives are just so, so, SO different. I'm the unmarried professional. She's the homemaker wife of a church's musical director. Listening to her, she's still as religious as ever. She home schools her three children, and even in her 1 hour conversation she spoke a great deal about her church. Myself? The only time I've been to church in the last five years are the Christmas song festival's at my neice's school (She goes to an Episcopalian school... even though no one in the family is Episcopalian. Go figure). I'm also the person who took perverse amusement in telling two Mormon's who came to the house "No" when they asked whether I was a Christian (the non-plussed looks on their faces was so worth that "no.")
It's just interesting how people of such near identical backgrounds can grow into such near polar-opposite people. It was nice hearing from her though.
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Date: 2005-01-09 04:54 pm (UTC)It's interesting being a secular person in the Bible Belt.
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Date: 2005-01-09 09:37 pm (UTC)I was listening to JWS's commentary on the last episode of B5 S4 the other night, and he was talking about the tendency of our culture to deconstruct heroes. That's true, but there's an equally strong tendency to whitewash and mythologize them, and the two are constantly struggling for cultureal dominance. It's like we can't hold the virtues and the flaw in our minds at the same time.