In a Weird Mood

[shipperx]

I'm in a weird mood. I can't name it exactly. It's not anxiety. It is sort of boredom. I don't know. Just...

I do agree with st_salieri that TV sucks. It's been so long since I've been without a TV obsession. It's been well over a decade. In fact it's probably been close to two decades, and I'm just sort of at sea without them. Not that there's nothing to watch. I watch stuff. I watch LOST, 24, The Amazing Race, Battlestar Galactica, Nip/Tuck, reruns of Sex and the City, and All My Children. It's just that my interest is quite shallow. None really inspire my imagination in the way that I like to be inspired.

Sigh. I suppose I miss Spike. I miss Mulder and Scully. I miss spoilers. I miss CARING. I miss fandom. My fandom is ebbing away, and I can't begrudge that. We move on from old obsessions. That's the way it goes. I just haven't found one that inspires me . I know some are quite involved with Battlestar Galactica, but though it is isnteresting. It mostly leaves me uninvolved emotionally. I know some are wrapped up in Veronica Mars, but honestly, I'm not into teen dramas. I know BtVS was a teen drama but, I never gave a crap about the teen part. I was there for the vampires. Plus (and this might be unfair) there are too many BtVS comparisons. Spike's name is brought up a bit too often and it's brought up not only by Spike lovers but by Spike haters as well. Spike-hate still bothers me. It bothers me coming from Spike-haters and it bothers me coming from those who once liked him. I don't want to get involved in a fandom where his name is evoked for good or ill in some board war (it's bad enough with LOST and honestly, it's moved beyond that with LOST. Maybe it's Fury's exit. But whatever parallels there initially appeared to be fandom approaches to Sawyer and Jack, it seems to have disappeared which is a good thing). I still have affections for Spike. I still think about the character and its set-up because I still write fanfic. And I still have a keen memory of the Spike boardwars. So even if I was inspired to tune into a teen drama (which I'm not) the fact that the fandom throws Spike out into the debate (and because its fandom is largely populated by Buffy fans... anti-Spike and pro-Spike) I just don't want to be involved at all. The one advantage to the fading Spike fandom is that most of the board wars are gone. Much of the heat is gone. And I can piddle away with my own likes and dislikes without there being any war.

But sometimes, when I float around LJ, the mailing lists, and so help me, TWoP, I sort of miss the days when I had a passion for some ongoing story rather than just idle interest.

I also miss Farscape, but in an entirely different way. Farscape was a pleasure. I realized how much when I finally put in my DVD of Peacekeeper Wars to see the bonus extras. I just got such a jolt of pleasure from entering that universe again. Because I experienced Farscape mostly after it was off the air and almost entirely without boards and fandom involved, it was a pure pleasure. No board wars. No controversy. Just a wonderful story that had a satisfying conclusion. One where I could end it loving all characters. After experiences with many different fandoms I realize that this is rare. A fannish obsession that's nearly all pro with little con is something I treasure (especially since I needed it in the wake of ME hell).

But, in some co-dependent fashion, even though I know fandom isn't good for me. Even though it's as much pain as pleasure, I miss it. I miss the days when there were new things coming up. When there were many people who loved what I loved. I miss when it wasn't the cool thing to say "I'm so over Spike/JM/whatever." I miss when I was anxious for Spuffy... or anxious for Mulder/Scully smut. Oh, hell, I miss when I wrote Michael and Maria Roswell-fic (hee!)

These days I look at the TV and more often than not it ends up on the National Geographic channel. And I spend time writing fanfic for a near dead fandom, keeping alive the last vestiges of a Spike obsession while most everyone else has disappeared or decided that it's now the cool thing to mock that old, tired, unfashionable fandom. (Not that I begrudge the new fandoms. Just that I haven't found one yet. :)

Anyway, it's late and I'm rambling (and I have no intention of proofreeding this so who knows how nutty this rambling post is). As I said, I'm in a funny mood and none of this means anything anyway.

On to other things. Mom and Dad have left and returned to their home so for the first time in nearly a month I'm going to sleep in my own bed (my guest bedroom bed is a single. So when my dad came here after my sister's and the hospital, I gave my parents my bed and moved into the guest bedroom. The bed is good so it's not a big sacrifice but it's also nice to have my own bed back). Mom and Dad will be back later in the week (don't know why they decided that they needed to go back home since they knew they'd be back by the end of the week for the next round of doctors appointments. But Dad sort of wanted to return to their house for a couple of days. I'll be back in the guest room on Thursday.

I am planning to go to the beach next week so -- whoo-hoo! -- I have the Friday before Memorial Day off so I'm taking my parents and my neice down to my sister's beach house so we can spend a few days there. Then we return to B'ham for my nephew's graduation (how in the hell did he grow up?! He's graduating high school. How did THAT happen?!)

Anyway, it's late and I need to head to bed (my own bed!)

And if you've read this far, just remember, I'm rambling and this doesn't mean very much.

Comments

[liliaeth]

hmm, I can see what you mean. I just don't watch much tv anymore.
Doctor Who and that's about it.
In fact, I'd think I'd rec that one to you. It's a great series, well written, amazingly good actors and Rose has just about anything we wanted from Buffy in the last two seasons.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

A little birdie e-mailed me Ep 1 yesterday so I'm looking foward to watching it.

[treacle-a.livejournal.com]

And a very big word to all of the that. Carnivale was my fan-crack for a while back there but now that's gone there only my transitory shallow love for Nip/Tuck and my oddly shameful interest in Huff. I miss being in love.

::sighs::

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I'm looking forward to Nip/Tuck coming back. It's so trashilicious!

[st_salieri.livejournal.com]

Right there with you on missing the passion. It's hard to see the fandom slipping away, but I think there are still plenty of people left.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's just the inevitable loss of momentum once the show is off the air. It has its advantages -- less flame wars. But it there was fun to be had when the fandom was flush and thriving (and chaotic as hell).

[bogwitch.livejournal.com]

I'm still waving my Spike flag, and will likely be for some time yet.

Still, I do miss the old says when there was excitement and anticipation.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I hope people continue to wave the Spike flag because I'm not done with him yet. :)

[shapinglight]

Know how you feel and irritated beyond measure by people dissing what they once used to love just to show how 'cool' they are.

I miss Spike and always will, I fear, and am not ready to let go of him yet. Buffyverse was my only fandom and once it's gone, fandom is over for me and, as you say, I can't imagine getting as involved in any of the new programs I've seen. I like Doctor Who - enough to get annoyed when I miss an episode - but it's not a replacement for Spike.

Glad your dad is doing well.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

The funny thing about the "too cool to be JM fans" phenomenon is that it seems like the fad du jour.

I don't particularly care about the "cool" factor. It just seems a bit precious and entitle to worry whether or not you're "too cool" for him. Ick.

[spikewriter]

I know what you mean about missing fandom -- I feel myself slipping away from it as well, though I'm actually quite willing not to have another show to be focused on. I'd been out of fandom for a good five years before I stumbled into BtVS and while I enjoyed it, I was also reminded why I'd walked away. Things are changing and shifting and I'm more than happy to walk away from the flame wars and kerfuffles...right back into the flame wars and kerfuffles of the romance writing community, which is what I'd been withdrawing from when I took refuge in fandom.

::Sigh:: I guess I did leave one "fandom" for another.

Glad to hear your dad's doing well. I can understand the urge for him to go home for a few days -- and it's good that he feels well enough to go home and reclaim "his" space.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the kind words about Dad.

And I know it's all cyclical. It's just that I haven't caught another wave yet. And I'm still surfing the old one. :)

[fer1213.livejournal.com]

*hugs Lisa*

It does feel like the Buffy fandom is slipping and I surely haven't been doing my part to revive it lately, but I believe there are still plenty of people out there in love with or just discovering our Spike. Their enthusiasm will refuel ours, I think.

As for Veronica Mars, I personally don't think of it as a teen drama. Most of the shows are about relationships and solving cases. Like Buffy, it just happens to take place in a high school setting at this point. And as for comparisons to Buffy and BtVS, there really aren't any beyond surface-y stuff like strong female lead, good writing, intriguing plots, etc. There is no Spike in VM and absolutely no reason to bring him up when discussing the show. It bothers me that there are people who feel the need to bash BtVS because they've found a new fandom/show. It's completely unnecessary. When I started watching Buffy, it didn't take away any of my love for Mulder and Scully. And now that I'm enjoying VM, it's not taking away from Buffy either. We have a huge capacity to love equally--or at least to love many things each in their own way. I think the Buffy comparisons are just fodder for debate and not reality based.

And now I'm rambling. Sorry!

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I don't know whether VM has any real parallels... it just seems that the ghost of Whedonpast seems to be haunting that particular fandom a bit too much.

[krjemb.livejournal.com]

When people talk about losing the passion for fandom or start shutting down sites, I think of the Sami and Lucas fans from Days of Our Lives who waited 10 years for their couple to get together. And people who ship Jason and Carly from General Hospital, who never really were a couple but they still write fan fiction. Maybe it's different for soap opera fans because they get to watch five days a week and practically grow up with the characters.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

So how are you liking NuCarly?

And, yeah, Soaps have incredible longevity in fandom. Heh. I've been a Days J&J fan since... oh... 1989. I suppose that factors into my confusion with the sudden spat of "too cool to be Spike fan." Hey, when did we get to be too cool for it? I'm not an active J&J fan... because the writing on the show makes really crappy BtVS episodes look like Shakespeare in comparison. But I remember being an passionate fan with great affection even though I no longer participate in the fandom. I tend to not understand why the same thing doesn't happen in this case.

But I suppose Soaps are a different beast. Not sure why.

[lillianmorgan.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I still think about Spike a lot and sorta cling to the hope that as long as he appears in good fanfic (and interesting essays/povs) that I haven't considered, then he will stay alive in my head too, even though the fandom is not as active about the show itself.
In any case, hope you enjoyed your sleep, glad to hear that your family is doing ok.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Well, I know I still enjoy fanfic. And I'm looking foward to the upcoming Spike comic (but that's a kerfuffle of a different color.)

[fishsanwitt]

I enjoyed your ramblings. On the one hand, I wish Buffy had gone on - on the other hand, I'm not sure how much more 'kick the Spike' I could have handled. I was a *total* spoiler whore because I didn't trust ME, so... I just wish there had been a *proper* resolution, instead of 'Chosen'.

I watch a lot of tv, but nothing has grabbed me the way Buffy did, but then, I didn't expect to fall in love with the Buffyverse, so maybe something new and wonderful is just around the corner!

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I don't tend to think the show could have sustained itself any longer. Well, AtS could have. I think BtVS hit critical mass a while ago. I think I lament the fact that we never got Spike out of the Buffy shadow.

AtS feels like it went a year too soon, though.

[fishsanwitt]

I could have seen 'Angel' last a couple of more years. It was *definitely* premature.

[spacedoutlooney.livejournal.com]

I'm reminded a quote from JMS about Babylon 5 in some interview I read once. Some one asked him if he was sad that the show was over, and he said that it wasn't over, it was completed. Kind of a more satisfying way of looking at it.

I'm with you on the character bashing, though I don't follow any of these boards.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I guess part of the issue I tend to have is that Spike's story only feels 75% resolved. I'm satisfied with Redemption... I just always wanted to see his love really, and undeniably returned by... someone.

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm reading your damned story and the fandom aint dead for me! And for me it's still all about Spike and all about Spike and Buffy, because that's what first grabbed me, in all its dysfunctional glory, and that's what still does.

And last weekend I flew from New Zealand to Australia to spend the weekend with two women I'd never met before and we spent most of that weekend watching BtVS season 5 episodes (15 of them) with much passion and angst and debate and enjoyment.

So. My point being: FANDOM NOT DEAD. It may not have the huge critical mass it once had -- but there's still good stuff going on.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm reading your damned story and

Hee! Thank you.


the fandom aint dead for me!

For me either, I'm just a tad irritated by the "I'm too cool to be a Spike fan" fad that's been popping up lately. I'm sure there's still a fan base, it's just one that's in flux at the moment. Also, without a show, it's never going to be quite the same again.

Still, I'm not pronouncing the fandom dead, so much nostalgic for the old days...which comes when nostalgia blocks the memory of all the crap that used to go one then too. :)

As I said. Weird mood and it doesn't really mean anything. Just a mood I was in.

[frelling-tralk.livejournal.com]

I do miss the Buffy fandom in its heyday. The old FF thread where people would go insane over spoilers *g*

I'm still into discussing the show, and there's various LJ people that host interesting discussion. But the commenting is not what it was, and it's hard to feel as invested, when we already know how it ends. I remember how wound up I would get over spuffy :p Now it's more a case of looking back at that story and discussing it, and it's certainly not as passionate as it was.

[rahirah]

I'm with you on missing fandom--though I don't think BtVS/AtS fandom is in danger of dying out completely. It's going to be a lot smaller, and it's not the cool in thing, but I think it'll be around in some form for a good long while.

On the other hand, it's also kind of nice to just enjoy a show without the terrible emotional pressure. I like House. I love Doctor Who. But neither one is going to break my heart.