*head desk*

[shipperx]

I'm reduced to hate-listening to the audible romance novel I mentioned yesterday.

I swear to god, the pretty pink princess heroine...

 Reads Greek, Latin, French, Italian, Shakespeare, Decartes, the Aenid, Austen,... and loves art, architecture, history and mathematics... and is versed flower arranging, sewing, cookery, and gardening... and is brilliant, humble, demur... and is generous,  kind and selfless... and  is beloved by all servants and in-laws alike (though not her family.  Of course.). .. and is almost preternaturally gifted with animals... AND LITERALLY RESCUES PUPPIES AND DROWNED KITTENS, and is generally -- and in almost every way -- perfect.

And yet...is also the unappreciated ugly duckling to her beautiful, diamond of the first water IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER. I'm not entirely sure how one becomes the ugly duckling to one's very own IDENTICAL twin, but she's managed to do it.

Dear lord, I think I hate her. The 'hero' is still nothing but a distant amalgam of cliches (though he REEKS of sexist bullshit) but on the whole isn't involving enough to drive me to dreams of unicorn goring (though I would not object to it).  The pretty pink princess on the other hand...  Dear lord.

Comments

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

It sounds ridiculous. Too bad it's not so bad as to be funny but just bad in an irritating way.

[sp23.livejournal.com]

Wow, that Mary really out-Sue'd herself didn't she? o_O

[silverusagi]

Well, it sounds like you're having a good time with it. lol

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Ah, she wrote The Mary Sue romance novel? LOL! Oh dear. You've actually found one that's worse than some of my bottom dwellers. (Although I take that back - The Flesh Cartel - was so unreadable that I gave it back to Amazon for credit after only reading four chapters). Erotica...can actually be a worse genre than the romance genre, just saying. I think it too is maligned for a reason.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I swear that the only reason why I'm still in it is that I'm waiting for her husband to call her a whore... because it is so, so coming. (I probably won't stick around long enough for when he grovels and apologizes. I just want him to prove to be exactly the distrustful dick who knows squat about her as he OBVIOUSLY is.)

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

She pretty much is a sparkly martyr so... yeah.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Heh.

I did get a giggle at one point where I began snarking in my head when it was her overhearing a Latin lesson and reveals that she totally knows Latin (of course she does) and then a few minutes later exposes that she knows Greek and Italian.

Then I did almost crack up during a sex scene when it is actually described (by the HERO no less) and her "touching him there"

I may have snorted. "oh no!" I thought, inwardly giggling, "not THERE!"

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Total Mary Sue. The Sue-iest of the Sues.

And, yeah, erotica can run the same sort of gamut. From pure WTHell? to the hot, to the unbelievably saccharine. (And every once in a while, the physical improbable...)

[silverusagi]

and her "touching him there"

That's exactly what Anastasia Steele does in 50 Shades. DOWN THERE.

[elisi]

But does she sparkle?

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I am quite sure that she does. Probably during sex. Like a cylon.

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

There were two that I tried to read in the erotica category...and they managed to fall into the WTH and the improbability categories - actually they outdid some of the more obscure and insane Buffy fanfic.

The e-book world can be a scarey place.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

e-books are scary. They can be such jaw-dropping crap if you aren't careful.

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's probably good to keep in mind that you get what you paid for.
(Neil Gaiman recently announced that his last book The Ocean at the End of the Lane was on sale via Kindle at $7.99...and I thought, that's the sale price? Dude, that's expensive, e-books technically shouldn't be more than $9.99 and people really complain when they are more than that. Talk to me when it's $!.99. Although, I am seriously tempted.)

I've read a lot of .99 books on the Kindle, and suffice it to say - I got what I paid for. I spent half the time correcting the grammar and sentence structure in my head. One was so annoying...I gave up.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to toy with paying for Prime so that I can have the 'lending library' aspect.

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Haven't used it as much as I thought for the lending library books...but it does provide savings for some books (discounted) and free shipping (which is nice).

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Except there's the addition of the inner goddess doing gymnastics in her head.

[silverusagi]

And doesn't she have someone else in her head that gives the inner goddess the side eye?

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

It's beginning to sound crowded in there.


Then again, from summaries, it's always sounded as though there might be plenty of spare room.

[shadowkat67.livejournal.com]

Yep, her inner conscience - someone prissy, wearing glasses - can't really remember what she called her. (Actually that whole thing has been done before...but I can't remember who did it, I want to say James Thurber...but that can't be right. I know I've seen it done before though.)

50 Shades felt farcical in places...or at least the first novel did. I don't know if it was intentional.