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Still more thoughts on "Destiny"
Nov. 23rd, 2003 10:42 amI thought ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
deborahmm made several excellent points in her belated viewing of "Destiny" which you can read here
Her points reminded me of a realization that I had after re-watching the ep. Thinking about Angel's "you're just less" line in Destiny I had the thought that perhaps the thing I love the most about Spike, what has really endeared him to my heart, is that this is a guy who for all his human and in-human life has ALWAYS been told he's not worth anything. We have Cecily and "you're beneath me," the partygoers who mocked him, and how even his beloved mother turned on him when she was vamped in what was probably the most devestating thing he's experienced. Add in decades of Angelus's insults and Dru's infidelities (after all she didn't just gravitate to Angel, but whenever Spike wasn't "moster enough" for her she wound up with the Mucas Demon, and then the Chaos Demon) and you have more than a century of beind devalued. In fact the only evidence of his ever having been valued has been for the snarky, bad-ass. I always found the Shanghai scene with Spike/Angel to be rather a shock in that Angel says "I guess that makes you one of us now." Good grief! It had been TWENTY YEARS! He wasn't "one of them" for twenty years?! No wonder he remembered that night as one of accomplishment!
Then there's Buffy of Season 5 & 6 with her constant insults, abuse, and put-downs. He wasn't real, what he felt wasn't real, there was nothing good inside him, he was nothing (and I always found the moment in the crypt scene with Clem when Spike said "I am nothing" to be very significant). And let's never forget the continued insults of Scoobs and Giles. Spike is someone who has been told for basically forever that he's not worth anyone's attention or time or caring (bless Fred for being the exception to this rule). But the point remains, Spike has been told continuously throughout his entire existence that he's "less" and that he's "beneath" everyone else. . .and he has. not. given. up. He's still fighting saying I can be someone! I can do it. He's valiant in that respect and I think it's what I love most about him.
On a related observation, I've also thought this was what was going on in "Chosen." For all his existence he's been trying to be seen, he's ben trying to mean something, he has wanted to MATTER. In Chosen he was faced with a moment where his choice did matter. He mattered, what he chose to do at that moment mattered. For one, brief, shining moment Spike's existence was crucial and whether he chose to see this thing through had importance. . .and he chose the right thing. He stayed there despite the fact that it would cost him his life. He mattered and what he did mattered and he rose to the occasion...and maybe a great deal of my anger at AtS is that they're having their primary character trying to dimish that. It was too hard earned for that not to rankle.
deborahmm made several excellent points in her belated viewing of "Destiny" which you can read hereHer points reminded me of a realization that I had after re-watching the ep. Thinking about Angel's "you're just less" line in Destiny I had the thought that perhaps the thing I love the most about Spike, what has really endeared him to my heart, is that this is a guy who for all his human and in-human life has ALWAYS been told he's not worth anything. We have Cecily and "you're beneath me," the partygoers who mocked him, and how even his beloved mother turned on him when she was vamped in what was probably the most devestating thing he's experienced. Add in decades of Angelus's insults and Dru's infidelities (after all she didn't just gravitate to Angel, but whenever Spike wasn't "moster enough" for her she wound up with the Mucas Demon, and then the Chaos Demon) and you have more than a century of beind devalued. In fact the only evidence of his ever having been valued has been for the snarky, bad-ass. I always found the Shanghai scene with Spike/Angel to be rather a shock in that Angel says "I guess that makes you one of us now." Good grief! It had been TWENTY YEARS! He wasn't "one of them" for twenty years?! No wonder he remembered that night as one of accomplishment!
Then there's Buffy of Season 5 & 6 with her constant insults, abuse, and put-downs. He wasn't real, what he felt wasn't real, there was nothing good inside him, he was nothing (and I always found the moment in the crypt scene with Clem when Spike said "I am nothing" to be very significant). And let's never forget the continued insults of Scoobs and Giles. Spike is someone who has been told for basically forever that he's not worth anyone's attention or time or caring (bless Fred for being the exception to this rule). But the point remains, Spike has been told continuously throughout his entire existence that he's "less" and that he's "beneath" everyone else. . .and he has. not. given. up. He's still fighting saying I can be someone! I can do it. He's valiant in that respect and I think it's what I love most about him.
On a related observation, I've also thought this was what was going on in "Chosen." For all his existence he's been trying to be seen, he's ben trying to mean something, he has wanted to MATTER. In Chosen he was faced with a moment where his choice did matter. He mattered, what he chose to do at that moment mattered. For one, brief, shining moment Spike's existence was crucial and whether he chose to see this thing through had importance. . .and he chose the right thing. He stayed there despite the fact that it would cost him his life. He mattered and what he did mattered and he rose to the occasion...and maybe a great deal of my anger at AtS is that they're having their primary character trying to dimish that. It was too hard earned for that not to rankle.
