Heh! History Rant

[shipperx]

This dude's history rant probably amused me more than it should've, but I lol'd:   

From some dude on d-kos:

That's it. I'm done. A line has been crossed.

I was fine when they took Thomas Paine. I accepted it, even though I said quietly to my closest friends "You know Thomas Paine proposed early versions of what would today be called socialism." He was so socialist he suggested an early version of Social Security.  I put up with it when Glenn Beck titled his book "Common Sense" without reading the fucking pamphlet "Common Sense." Not a book, even! It's just a pamphlet!

I put up with it while they started dressing up like and invoking the names of the founding fathers, even though George Washington was a member of the Landed Gentry, Liberal Elite, who said "You know, Tom, there might be something to this Deism thing." He was not some backwoods man of the people with a musket.

I understand that this is difficult. It's difficult!

It's difficult understanding that Thomas Jefferson was a Deist who rewrote the bible to exclude all references to divinity, and slept with his wife's half-sister because he had a bad case of jungle fever and was kind of an asshole.

It's difficult understanding that Benny Franklin was in love with France, including French Wine, French Philosophers, and French Prostitutes. He was an alcoholic sex addict who fucking loved France, and liked to walk around naked and take "Air Baths." So he was a nudist, alcoholic, sex addict francophile, with connections to all sorts of bizarre secret societies and occultists (It's hard to get into this history, unfortunately, without running into illuminati new world order conspiracy theory bullshit which tin foil hat conspiracists love). Benjamin Franklin is kind of a hero of mine, crazy brilliant lewd old man, who thought that people should fart proudly.

My point is, these were VERY complicated men. They were very difficult to take as a whole. They had complex ideas and complex life stories. Their writings are archaic and difficult to understand. In High School History, it's not standard to discuss the more controversial beliefs of the founding fathers. It's traditional and common to discuss FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM! AMERICA! LIBERTY! DOWN WITH TYRANNY! and all the other Tea Party Talking Points.

I understand that you have to be a history fan to understand these things so I can deal with them taking the beliefs of these men out of context, and simplifying and deifying them.

But what is not complex is Paul Revere. You can't look at his myriad writings and letters and say "Oh no! Paul Revere didn't actually believe this. He's different from how the stories cast him." His story is so simple there are fucking first reader versions! Paul Revere is one of dozens of men and at least one girl, who went on rides to warn the minute men to assemble.

They didn't warn the British.

They didn't tell people to hide their guns.

They told people to get their guns. They said "HEY GUYS! GET YO SHIT! THE MUTHAFUCKIN BRITISH!!"

Paul Revere didn't even complete his ride. He was captured before he could do it. The only reason he's remembered is because his name was easiest to rhyme, and he had the virtue of not being a 16 year old girl. But none of that's important. Because it's history. I'm not talking about History. I'm talking about the story that every schoolchild knows. I'm talking about "Listen my children and you will hear." I'm talking about "One if by land, Two if by sea." I'm talking about asking a school child "What did Paul Revere say" and getting the response "The British are Coming! The British are Coming!"

Why would Paul Revere say "HEY YOU GUYS ARE COMING!" to the British unless he was having sex with them?!:

   

*snicker*

Comments

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

:: dies ::

[sp23.livejournal.com]

I'm a Republican (not a Tea Party member) but damn, I want to punch John McCain in the face for dragging her out of Alaska and into the limelight. She's such a fucking embarrassment.

[queenofattolia.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for saying this. Loathing of Palin is NOT a partisan or political issue, it's an "OMG how dumb IS this person?" issue. Being appalled at her unapologetic ignorance crosses party lines!

[sp23.livejournal.com]

To be honest, the very thought of her running for President and actually garnering votes makes me weep for my party and my country.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I ::fingers crossed:: think she's mostly bluffing. She hasn't given up the FoxNews dough yet, and to actually run, she'd have to.

[spikewriter]

My husband, who has been a registered Republican since he first registered to vote, swears that if the primary voters lose all sense and she get the nomination (assuming she runs), then he will re-register as independent because he does not want his name associated with that.

He keeps hoping she won't run., but he worries when I point out that she seems ti have the type of mentality that thinks she can swan in at the last moment and everyone will be thrilled that she's graced them with her presence. (A mentality that seems to have little to do with politics and a lot to do with high school.)

[sp23.livejournal.com]

When I first registered to vote all those years ago, I registered as a Democrat. When they started leaning too far left for my comfort, I re-registered as a Republican. Now, unless they get the right back under control, I'm going to go independent. What the hell has happened to moderation in this country?!!!

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

This is true. That Sarah Palin is a gibbering moron is just an observable fact.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Seriously. I vacillate between wondering what in the hell he was thinking, and thinking he should be charged with some treasonous crime like "inflicting a stupid person on the American Populace then having people take the idiot seriously!" (It did always amuse me that McCain's daughter whose name I forget could barely conceal her hatred of Sister Sarah at the time)

They said one of her aides at that time has now written a book where he said that if she had been elected he wasn't sure whether he would ever be able to forgive himself.

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

Megan McCain is brilliant. I don't agree with her political views on some issues, but she's got a good head on her shoulders, and she has the fabulous ability to listen and discuss opposing viewpoints with a kindness and maturity and that I wish people actually in office possessed! I also feel a lot of anger that Fox News, when they couldn't find anything to legitimately criticize her for, attacked her weight and appearance as a means to try to silence her.

They said one of her aides at that time has now written a book where he said that if she had been elected he wasn't sure whether he would ever be able to forgive himself.
Frank Bailey's Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin. He is definitely a man who sounds positively terrified of the prospect of her ever being in office again.

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

They said "HEY GUYS! GET YO SHIT! THE MUTHAFUCKIN BRITISH!!"

Well, obviously, we have some Regulars in Concord-Lex. Are they coming by land? Are they coming by sea? Tryin' to tax 'em, so you need to hide your paper, hide your tea. Hide your paper, hide your tea, and hide your imported goods 'cause they taxin' everybody out here.

[mollivanders.livejournal.com]

Dude, it's not the British are coming, 'cause the colonists still considered themselves British. Even I knew that in third grade!

It was, "The redcoats are coming!"

Or more, appropriately, "guys, a fucking army is on its way, arm yourselves!"

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

There was an interesting thing on The History Channel a couple of years ago regarding the American Revolution, and part that I found particularly interesting was that the British invaded the South (or rather what was the South then) because there were large numbers Loyalists... only when they invaded they basically ended up setting off a civil war in the Southern population between the Loyalists and the Revolutionaries, resulting in so much chaos that the British more or less threw up their hands due to the sheer chaos of it all and left it for the locals fight amongst themselves.

[mollivanders.livejournal.com]

Ha. I love American history.

There's a good biography of Ben Franklin that I have at home, and I can look up the author if you're interested. All the gritty bits - who wants to read about a guy who didn't have that illegitimate son who went on to support the British? Gives a whole new meaning to "dead to me."

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Ha. I love American history.

The little factoid that bizarrely amuses me is how the the British were routed in the War of 1812... by a tornado. I bet they wondered what in the hell had hit them. They don't really have those (or the same intense kind) in England.

[mollivanders.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking the other day how many natural disasters there in North America compared to the rest of the world. Monsoons/hurricanes happen everywhere, but we've got hurricans + tornadoes + blizzards + earthquakes + volcanic eruptions. Overkill much?

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

Well, it's a big country — a whole continent wide, plus some. But still, even Australia doesn't get all the stuff we do. They have more venomous wildlife, though. Something for everyone!

Um, I'm aware that the United State of America is NOT North America. It's just that we do get ALL of those things here.

[unfilthy.livejournal.com]

This reminds me of a tongue in cheek (-ish) Israeli movement a few years back that called for the restoration of the British Mandate. I think the British Mandate sucked, but being a proper colony does have it's advantages ;)

[kitmarlowescot2.livejournal.com]

Paul Revere, did have some writting letters mostly.
He was a great silver smith, horrible coin maker though.

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

Hee! I think this guy is brilliant. The last line...gah.


Proud to be an anglophile bloody colonial. Also proud to be accused by my favorite history prof of being "a Tory". Hee! It was a very liberal arts college, and I am very liberal.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

HAH, I lvoe it!

[sourisvho.livejournal.com]

Ha! Nice! Palin is such a piece of work.

Your icon compels me to ask: Have you seen the Bruno Mars video starring Leonard Nimoy?

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

Bwaa-haa-haa!!

So well said. I may have to wander over to kos and thank him for that!

And you know, all she (Palin) had to do was admit that he misspoke. What's so hard about that? Every schoolkid knows that story, and she had to know everyone in the country was going to call her out!

[molliemole.livejournal.com]

I think she's actually unable to admit a mistake -- any mistake, on any subject. No matter how laughably wrong she is.

[shapinglight]

What has Palin said now?

I love this riposte, but I would like to know the context.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

It's her usual word salad stuff. (I actually had to look it up again by going to The Daily Show - http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-june-6-2011/sarah-palin-s-folksy-word-salad )

On her "I might be--but I'm not--but I might be running for President so I can use my PAC money travelling across America trying to get exposure to up my speaking fees" bus tour and where she'd just visited some Paul Revere historical site:

"...he who warned...uh...the...the British that they aren't going to be takin' away our arms...uh...by ringin' those bells and um, making sure as he's ridin' his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that...uh... we were going to be secure and we were gonna be free."

And when some (at FOX News mind you) pointed out that this wasn't exactly correct...

FOX: "You realize you messed up about Paul Revere, don't you?"
PALIN: "You know what? I didn't mess up. In a shout-out 'gotcha' question that was asked of me and I answered candidly. I know my American history."

DAILY SHOW: "What was the 'gotcha' question again?"

CLIP OF MSNBC's MORNING NEWS reading the 'gotcha' question in question: "What have you seen so far today and what are you going to take away from your visit?"


Meanwhile Palin supporters have been over on wikipedia trying to edit U.S. History to make her word salad history be correct:
http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/susan-milligan/2011/06/08/sarah-palin-and-the-wikipedia-war-over-paul-revere

Witness the push-back by defenders of Sarah Palin, a could-be presidential candidate who wrongly characterized Paul Revere’s Revolutionary War-era ride. Palin, on a family vacation-cum-"SarahPac" promotional tour, told reporters Revere was warning the British that the colonists would not give up their guns. She said Revere rang bells and shot his gun as a warning. Historians disagree (Revere was actually warning his comrades, not the enemy British soldiers), but Palin fans rushed to edit the online encyclopedia Wikipedia to rewrite history, seeking to turn Palin’s misstatement into historical fact. (Wikipedia has since locked the page on Revere while things calm down.)

[shapinglight]

That's doubly hilarious - first that the so-called 'gotcha' question was so bland and innocuous that no one except a total idiot could call it a 'gotcha' question in the first place, and second that Palin's idiotic followers would think that they can somehow change history by editing a Wikipedia page.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Geez.

And then there's this, though at least that guy's not running for president (yet)...