THIS is why I'm not married

[shipperx]

Yes, I'm a single woman over a certain age and I'm very, very set in my ways. Very. But this type thing annoys the shit out of me and it's this sort of thing that leaves me entirely happy to be single and spoiled rotten.

My father was in town again for medical tests (the surgery isn't scheduled yet but they ran the first tests today and another set are scheduled for next week). So I ended up having dinner at my sister's. So, while my sister and I made dinner, my brother-in-law disappeared upstairs to watch baseball. While he was off doing this, my sister and I had the television in the kitchen on LOST's rerun. My nephew came downstairs and instantly changed the channel. "Hey!" I protested. "Did you ever consider that maybe we were watching that." He complained but actually looked chargrinned and asked whether I wanted the channel turned back. I wasn't super insistent or anything. Sure, whatever. But he wandered out of the room a few minutes later. I turned the channel back. So ten minutes later my brother-in-law comes in and WHILE I'M STANDING THERE WATCHING THE SHOW, changes the channel to baseball. Hey! You think, that maybe the one who had been IN the kitchen with the TV on might... oh, I don't know, have been watching the channel that it was on before you waltzed in and changed the channel without so much as inquiring whether someone was WATCHING that? I made some sort of noise about it and he (rather rudely IMO) said "Well I'm not watching that" and turned it to baseball. Well, you know, while you might consider a TV drama "boring"... I tend to think baseball is BORING. And... um... I was the one in the kitchen. You guys were hanging out upstairs. And beyond that, it's just plain RUDE to walk in and change the channel when someone else is watching.

Being a single woman, I -- unlike my sister -- am far, far, FAR less tolerant of this sort of thing. Poor woman relinquished claims to the remote a decade ago. Personally, I watch what I want to watch. Their house has 6 freaking TVs. If the game was so goddamned special he could watch it in the next room instead of changing the channel in the kitchen while we're freaking making dinner for HIM!

It isn't so much that he did it. It's the utter bald faced way that he did it as if what we were watching was unimportant and we didn't even deserve the courtesy of at least asking whether we were watching it before changing the channel. It's just plain RUDE! (As was running the game throughout dinner. If it was a regular TV show it would have been turned off. But nooooo.... if it's boring-ass baseball we have to watch it through dinner (even if my sister and I continued to mock how BORING baseball is throughout the meal until my brother-in-law was tetchy about it.

But, seriously, there are certain luxuries to being a single woman. Utter control of the remote is one of them... and a home blessedly free of constant ESPN and Newschannels as the TV defaults are another (Why is it that for most men all that's needed is ESPN and the newschannel most suited to their political affiliation?)

I'm a set in my ways single woman, and I'm very intolerant of men thinking they are the lord and master of the remote control or that male preferences in viewing habits inherently trump the females.

It wasn't a big deal... but these things annoy me.

Comments

[fishsanwitt]

I happen to disagree. I think it was a *very* big thing.

It smacks of arrogance to do something like that. It is disrespectful and ignorant. You are *far* nicer than me.

[fenchurche.livejournal.com]

Of course, the other solution is to not marry a guy who's an inconsiderate jerk. ;-)

Thankfully, they're not all like that.

agreeing with fishsanwitt

[klytaimnestra.livejournal.com]

That was a very big deal. Your brother in law is an egocentric, narcissistic, arrogant ass, to put it no higher, and your sister doesn't even see it, because she's lived with it for so long. And he is training his nephew to be exactly the same kind of flaming jerk to his own spouse, come the day. And it's transparent to ALL of them. If your sister were to say "hey wait, I was watching that", then SHE'S being the selfish one, as far as he's concerned.

I had a boyfriend like this for a century or so (it was four years, just felt like a century). I didn't watch TV, so that wasn't an issue. But everything he wanted he automatically had a right to have, and anything I objected to, well, I was just being a selfish bitch. I was trained pretty quick to just shut up and take it. He also did his best, quite effectively for awhile there, to convince me that the reason I was utterly miserable, which I was, for obvious reasons, was because I was a self-centred whiny bitch. Anyway, I got out eventually, and got therapy, and everything got better.

All men are not like that. But it's appalling that ANY men are like that, and are ALLOWED to be like that - and, like your nephew, are TRAINED to be like that.

I trust you don't think this is the only area in which your brother in law is a jerk. There will be many, and they're all invisible - to both of them. I hope your sister is okay.

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

Aargh. That's not a married thing, or a man thing. That's plain old ordinary rude. Actually, that's beyond rude. That's being a jerk. Send Spike to bite him.

[spikewriter]

And I am so happy that I married a man who hates sports, so ESPN is not a problem in our house. The newschannels and C-SPAN is a different story, but he would never simply change the channel while I was watching something -- mainly because he knows I'd probably whack him over the head with the remote before changing it back if he did. Still, there's a reason the remote is referred to as "the dick of power".

[hazel75.livejournal.com]

Dude, the first person with remote wins. Even my dad would admit that. He tends to be the first person with remote but he would never *dream* of changing the channel without asking permission or being given the same. On the same token, he expects the same respect (while he flips and flips and flips, ad nauseam).

But you're not just a single woman set in her ways (although I am, too). It's called manners.

[shapinglight]

I can quite see why.

FWIW, in my house the women rule the remote simply because there are more of us.

Baseball is boring. It's a mystery to me how something like that ever got to be the US national game. Even the clothes are silly. JMO.

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

I'm nodding to all the comments here. Your BIL is just plain rude, period. You are a guest in his house and the guest should always be treated with respect and offered the choice of something before anyone else. Well, at least that's the way it was in my house growing up. Of course, there were 3 women and 1 man so poor Dad rarely got his way but if the guest wanted baseball then we all watched baseball. That's just good manners and everyone is right about the BIL setting a terrible example for the nephew.

[spikeylover.livejournal.com]

that was just rude. I am married and my husband would never just come in and change the channel without asking first.

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

Sounds exactly like my dad.

This is one of the MANY reasons I will always be single.

[http://users.livejournal.com/opalescence_/]

That's not being a man or a husband...that's just rude, unnecessary, and did I mention rude? Oh yes, I did. And so did you. Your sister did not train him right. :-)