I'm in a weird mood. I can't name it exactly. It's not anxiety. It is sort of boredom. I don't know. Just...
I do agree with
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st_salieri that TV sucks. It's been so long since I've been without a TV obsession. It's been well over a decade. In fact it's probably been close to two decades, and I'm just sort of at sea without them. Not that there's nothing to watch. I watch stuff. I watch LOST, 24, The Amazing Race, Battlestar Galactica, Nip/Tuck, reruns of Sex and the City, and All My Children. It's just that my interest is quite shallow. None really inspire my imagination in the way that I like to be inspired.
Sigh. I suppose I miss Spike. I miss Mulder and Scully. I miss spoilers. I miss CARING. I miss fandom. My fandom is ebbing away, and I can't begrudge that. We move on from old obsessions. That's the way it goes. I just haven't found one that inspires me . I know some are quite involved with Battlestar Galactica, but though it is isnteresting. It mostly leaves me uninvolved emotionally. I know some are wrapped up in Veronica Mars, but honestly, I'm not into teen dramas. I know BtVS was a teen drama but, I never gave a crap about the teen part. I was there for the vampires. Plus (and this might be unfair) there are too many BtVS comparisons. Spike's name is brought up a bit too often and it's brought up not only by Spike lovers but by Spike haters as well. Spike-hate still bothers me. It bothers me coming from Spike-haters and it bothers me coming from those who once liked him. I don't want to get involved in a fandom where his name is evoked for good or ill in some board war (it's bad enough with LOST and honestly, it's moved beyond that with LOST. Maybe it's Fury's exit. But whatever parallels there initially appeared to be fandom approaches to Sawyer and Jack, it seems to have disappeared which is a good thing). I still have affections for Spike. I still think about the character and its set-up because I still write fanfic. And I still have a keen memory of the Spike boardwars. So even if I was inspired to tune into a teen drama (which I'm not) the fact that the fandom throws Spike out into the debate (and because its fandom is largely populated by Buffy fans... anti-Spike and pro-Spike) I just don't want to be involved at all. The one advantage to the fading Spike fandom is that most of the board wars are gone. Much of the heat is gone. And I can piddle away with my own likes and dislikes without there being any war.
But sometimes, when I float around LJ, the mailing lists, and so help me, TWoP, I sort of miss the days when I had a
passion for some ongoing story rather than just idle interest.
I also miss Farscape, but in an entirely different way.
Farscape was a pleasure. I realized how much when I finally put in my DVD of Peacekeeper Wars to see the bonus extras. I just got such a jolt of
pleasure from entering that universe again. Because I experienced Farscape mostly after it was off the air and almost entirely without boards and fandom involved, it was a pure pleasure. No board wars. No controversy. Just a wonderful story that had a satisfying conclusion. One where I could end it loving all characters. After experiences with many different fandoms I realize that this is rare. A fannish obsession that's nearly all pro with little con is something I treasure (especially since I needed it in the wake of ME hell).
But, in some co-dependent fashion, even though I know fandom isn't good for me. Even though it's as much pain as pleasure, I miss it. I miss the days when there were new things coming up. When there were many people who loved what I loved. I miss when it
wasn't the cool thing to say "I'm so over Spike/JM/whatever." I miss when I was anxious for Spuffy... or anxious for Mulder/Scully smut. Oh, hell, I miss when I wrote Michael and Maria Roswell-fic (hee!)
These days I look at the TV and more often than not it ends up on the National Geographic channel. And I spend time writing fanfic for a near dead fandom, keeping alive the last vestiges of a Spike obsession while most everyone else has disappeared or decided that it's now the cool thing to mock that old, tired, unfashionable fandom. (Not that I begrudge the new fandoms. Just that I haven't found one yet. :)
Anyway, it's late and I'm rambling (and I have no intention of proofreeding this so who knows how nutty this rambling post is). As I said, I'm in a funny mood and none of this means anything anyway.
On to other things. Mom and Dad have left and returned to their home so for the first time in nearly a month I'm going to sleep in my own bed (my guest bedroom bed is a single. So when my dad came here after my sister's and the hospital, I gave my parents my bed and moved into the guest bedroom. The bed is good so it's not a big sacrifice but it's also nice to have my own bed back). Mom and Dad will be back later in the week (don't know why they decided that they needed to go back home since they knew they'd be back by the end of the week for the next round of doctors appointments. But Dad sort of wanted to return to their house for a couple of days. I'll be back in the guest room on Thursday.
I am planning to go to the beach next week so -- whoo-hoo! -- I have the Friday before Memorial Day off so I'm taking my parents and my neice down to my sister's beach house so we can spend a few days there. Then we return to B'ham for my nephew's graduation (how in the hell did he grow up?! He's graduating high school. How did THAT happen?!)
Anyway, it's late and I need to head to bed (my own bed!)
And if you've read this far, just remember, I'm rambling and this doesn't mean very much.
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