They're Dead To Me, Damn it!

[shipperx]

Dead. To. Me.

Who you ask? As I've stated before, I am a bitter and cynical ex-Days of Our Lives fan. I grew up on the show before it became unwatchable shit. And it became unwatchable crap with the utter destruction of every character and romance I ever liked (not to mention any semblance of sanity or quality). Calling the headwriter a poo-flinging monkey is an insult to poo-flinging monkeys. It is impossible to adequately relate how truly terrible the show is -- the dialog, the plotting, the production, all of it is atrociously bad.

And we won't even get into their killing my favorite character FIVE FREAKING TIMES! (Four of which within the space of the last YEAR). I had thought that with Missy Reeves (Jennifer) announcing that she was quitting the show and that meaning that, since they never use him anyway and his character is currently 'dead'...AGAIN (despite his still being on contract), Matt Ashford (Jack) will certainly be let go. Hey, huge Jack and Jennifer fan that I was in my youth, I'm okay with that. Releasing them from the catastrophic mess that's Days would be a mercy to these poor actors and their characters. I figure, Jack and Jen finally reunite (if there's any hope of any happiness on the show and that's not certain) and ride off into the sunset, leaving the shithole that is Days behind them. Even as an ex-fan I can hope for a happy ending for the only characters I still give the least damn about.

That was it. My measly little dream was simply for Jack end up not dead, allowed to reunite with his wife and children, and leave town.

Except now, what in the hell hits Soap Opera Digest? In Days desperation to save the Titanic-sized sinking ship that is Days (NBC just passed up the opportunity to pick up the back end of Days contract, so it's currently in limbo. NBC can now cancel as soon as the first half of the contract runs out in 2007, rather than having to keep the show on air until 2009 as per the entire contract). Days is in a very, very, bad place (hence my relief that my favorite characters were almost assured to be out of it in a couple of months) so... following GH's lead in grasping for remnants of their heyday, Days just signed Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans to return as supercouple Steve and Kayla!

Good news? Hah! It would have been if the show wasn't a shitfest and written by poo-flinging monkeys. But not as it is. I adore Stephen Nichols. If there were even a half-decent writing regime in place I'd be THRILLED that Steve Johnson was going to be resurrected. Instead, I'm just pissed off.

First, Jack (Matt Ashford as written above) plays Steve's (Stephen Nichol's) brother on screen. But Matt's contract runs out in June, he's currently 'dead'...again (as is Steve, actually. Neither Johnson boy has any luck). And my favorite brothers will probably have no storyline together at all. After all, the only story the poo-flinging monkey ever gives Matt/Jack is to kill Jack off again and again and again. So will Steve's return give Jack a story? I'm not holding my breath. I'll be lucky if the brothers are even allowed to speak to each other once!

And my issues with the poo-flinging monkey aren't character specific. It's not just about Jack (or Jack and Jen). Let's look at what the monkey has done to each and every supercouple on the show!

Jack and Jennifer -- Kill Jack repeatedly in desperate efforts to pair Jennifer with someone, anyone else (Peter, Collin, Brandon, Patrick, Frankie). Since Matt and Missy's return to the show several years ago, Jennifer has spent the bulk of her time being a whining crying widow who feels she must "move on" with some man, ANY man (because a woman must have a man at all times[/sarcasm]) while Jack is somewhere held prisoner, or dying of some unnamed disease, or whatever, loving his wife and children from afar (and mostly off screen) until he returns to be promptly 'killed' again (rinse and repeat and add new "other man"). Shit, Jack wasn't even allowed to be in town for the last two Christmases OR the birth of his son. (Bastard poo-flinging monkey!)

Bo and Hope -- Had their son RUN OVER and KILLED by Bo's illegitimate (she was stillborn but somehow now she's back and 19 years old despite having been --did I mention STILLBORN-- in 1998!) So Hope ran off to the islands with the resident man-ho, Patrick (see Jennifer's male harem above), and divorced Bo VIA E-MAIL!

John and Marlena -- well the dumb bitch got brainwashed, AGAIN, and married someone else, and John tried to murder the man (or something. It's a stupid story, and I don't follow it even in reading spoilers) and basically it all boils down to that couple was ALSO broken up (not that I gave a damn, but they are one of the show's mainstay couples and there are people who care. So that means that the monkey has to keep the over-fifty pair as far from each other as possible).

Sami and Lucas -- She's sleeping with Austin. He's sleeping with Carrie. It's as disgusting as it sounds.

Austin and Carrie -- See above. It's as awful as it sounds (and no, you aren't imagining that this exact same story was going on in 1993!)... only also paint Carrie as spineless, STUPID, and a misogynistic writer's wet dream of desperation to have a man -- any man -- impregnate her.

Abe and Lexie --Somehow he came down with some unnamed malady where he was rendered both blind and deaf (what did he do? Masturbate himself into illness?!) so that Lexie could have a raging affair with a boytoy who once poisoned John Black, but no one is supposed to remember that.

Days of Our Lives always had its hokiness and stupidity, but it also always had its romances. You could at least depend on the power of supercouples to love one another faithfully. Now, the only thing that the poo-flinging monkey ever, EVER writes is not!new and not!interesting ways to have the supercouples screw each other over and sleep with other people. THIS is the environment in which Steve and Kayla are about to be resurrected.

So, not only will I almost certainly NOT get the pleasure of seeing my favorite angst-ridden brothers awkwardly reunite (which would be totally awesome in its acting and underlying emotion, if it wasn't penned by a poo-flinging monkey), but one of the few supercouples who remained untainted by the AWFULNESS that is the current Days is coming back to sure-fire destruction.

This is not the Days of supercouples and romance. It's a Days of misery, stupidity, hilariously AWFUL special effects, dialog, plotting, and pacing. Not only does the show make no sense, it doesn't even TRY to make sense.

So, what should be a good thing (the return of Steve Johnson, Yay!) is a thing I can only think of with horror, because not only do I know that it will inevitably suck (it will be written by a desperate poo-flinging monkey after all), I'll most probably WATCH the damn thing out of some desperate little desire to see Steve and Kayla and Steve and Jack together again... which is stupid, because I know that if it's something people want JERk (the poo-flinging monkey in question) will make damn sure not to deliver.

Sheesh. Just when the show is good and DEAD TO ME (I haven't watched in years even if I keep track of it via spoilers), they pull a stunt that's going to raise their ratings just long enough to rescue it from (much deserved) cancellation, and they'll do it by no doubt destroying two more characters that I love.

Damn you, NBC. Damn you, Ken Corday. And most of all, damn you James E. Reilly (the poo-flinging monkey).

ETA: For Story Spoiler:
May Sweeps Spoiler: Frankie/Jennifer/Jack: "Frankie proposes to Jennifer and she accepts. We see Jack in the hospital dying. Will he die? Will he saved by a bone marrow transplant? maybe, maybe not. A mysterious character from his past appears in May."

Well, at least they may remember that Steve and Jack are brothers. That's something... I guess.

ETAII: Info can be found here: http://p206.ezboard.com/fbabeandbiancafanforumfrm66.showMessage?topicID=256.topic

Comments

[dreamkeeper77.livejournal.com]

Calling the headwriter a poo-flinging monkey is an insult to poo-flinging monkeys.

BWAH!!I LOVE YOU!!

I'm really, REALLY trying to be optimistic about this. But on the inside, I'm all twisted up in knots. I'm scared, I really am, but I'm praying for a miracle.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I think it would take a miracle. The horrid part is the potential. It's easier not to mourne when there's no potential being wasted. Knowing the potential of the story, knowing how much people have wanted this story, and knowing because it's JERk that all that potential will inevitably be wasted is really, really hard.


The hardest thing to do is watch hope die. :(

[dreamkeeper77.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I know. When I first heard the news last night, I was SO incredibly excited. But the more the day goes on, the more I think about the complete and utter mess that is Days, the more sad and depressed I become. :(

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I TOTALLY sympathize. Right there with you.

[dreamkeeper77.livejournal.com]

I forgot to add: The Jack/Steve brother relationship on Days was the best, most layered, emotionally conflicted, wonderful relationship I've ever seen. I just want SOME of that back, just a little. Please!

I know it's too much to ask, I know, but I just want it SO bad. :(

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know.

I loved, loved, LOVED the Jack/Steve relationship in all it's conflict and love and hate and difficulty and awkwardness. It was awesome. Matt and Stephen have such awesome chemistry. They bounce off of one another so well. And Steve and Jack have such a complicated history. It was really one of my OTP on the show... and I know JERk will ignore it. I just know he will. :(

[spikeylover.livejournal.com]

I'll probably tune in but they'll probably do the same number done on Patch/Kayla that were done on Luke/Laura at GH.

It isn't going to be pretty.

(and yes, I'm shipping Luke/Tracey now and have got sucked back into GH, kill me now)

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

I'm right there with you. They brought back Rick Springfield, damn it! Rick. Springfield. And Robert Fucking Scorpio (as he's dubbed on TWOP). I mean, it's just not fair! And after the craptastic things they did to Laura (not to mention the travesties of what they did to Rick Webber and Scotty Baldwin) and STILL they bring me back in. I mean, they've alreayd mutilated Holly beyond belief. But they'v got Robert Fucking Scorpio and Anna is coming back and... IT'S JUST NOT FAIR TO DO THIS TO US!

[spikeylover.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Robert is what brought me back to the hell show, and now Jason is taking Sonny's business and I'm like YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.. Go Jason. I am hoping for a kill.

Also, I think Tracey secretly loves Luke, and I REALLY like them.. I know he's got hell to pay for chasing Holly and if Laura came back he'd drop her in a split second, but I can't help being sucked in. It's all so poignant in a horrible kind of way.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

OMG! I can't believe they are bringing back Robert Scorpio. They are trying to kill every fond memory I have of that show, aren't they?

Rick Springfield looks like he's been masquerading as a buried corpse for the last decade.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Heh. True. And he was so damn pretty in 1984.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

I know. That's one of my cherished memories -- my crush on Rick Springfield. Damn GH to hell for resurrecting him!

[the-nites-gurl.livejournal.com]

Here, here.

I read the news on spikeylover 's journal just a bit ago. I was excited, but you are probably right :( Still can't help but be hopeful about their return tho.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

The sad thing is, even knowing it's gonna suck... I'll tune in too. Hence the Chaleston Heston shake of the fist and the "Damn you! Damn you to hell!" reaction.

[mlgm.livejournal.com]

I'm pleased to say somewhere around the Marlena is possessed by the devil storyline, I really did let go of Days, and not even the Patch is gonna bring me back.

But isn't interesting after all the firing of everyone over thirty on all these shows, suddenly most shows seems desperate to bring back the 'old' folks?

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is ironic that after years of throwing vets out like day old trash they suddenly are grabbing onto them desperately in the hopes of raising their ratings.

Too bad they can't bring any of the vets back in anything remotely resembling a decent story.

Sigh. Here's hoping I have the strength not to look.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

I still can't believe the poo flinging monkeys wrote a storyline that had Marlena possessed by the devil. Of course, didn't we have vampires in Port Charles at some point?

There's no coming back from those story choices.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

The scarier thing is, that the Marlena Devil Possession story was better than the Marlena Serial Killer who murdered 1/2 of Salem but Oops!-not-really-though-we're-not-going-to-explain-how story.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I forgot that one! Somehow I had blended those two in my mind, I think (I had stopped watching by that point).

[nutmeg3.livejournal.com]

Fuck. Me. I'm going to have to watch again now, aren't I? Except...maybe not. Hopefully Steve is all puffy and balding and even the eye patch won't make him sexy. Fuck fuck fuck. (And monkeys could write a better show even scribbling in their own poo.)

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Er... last photos I saw of SN, he may not be Dorian Gray, but he still looks damn good.

Sorry.

'Cause... this will definitely suck.

Maybe I can go bury my head in an old episode of Alt_Days (I think it's still up somewhere).

*sob* The sad thing is... I'll watch this. I know I will. I won't be able to stop myself... and it will suck!

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Here's a link to the link of the article and cover photo of the actors:

http://p206.ezboard.com/fbabeandbiancafanforumfrm66.showMessage?topicID=256.topic

[rahirah]

I have no idea what you're talking about, but you give good rant. *g*

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Heh. Thanks?

The thing is, I'm usually pretty snguine about it. Heck, I didn't even make a meep the last two times they killed Jack. It's a bit like the frog in a pot of water analogy. You don't really notice as much when they're slowly turning up the heat until suddenly the poor wittle frog is boiled. But this is like they're taking the poor little boiled carcas out to dump it in the garbage at the street only to suddenly realize that you have another frog that you've kept safe in an aquarium upstairs, so they're going to go get it too and smash it against a wall.

To give context.

Imagine if you will that you could take Angel and Spike back 20 years in time (dear god, I almost swallowed my Jolly Rancher. It has LITERALLY been twenty years! God, I feel old.) Only now, they were human. Swap in Angel's unibrow for a nifty pirate eye patch and Spike's duster for a gray trench coat. Make them literally brothers. Give them an abusive father and an alcoholic mother who gave them away to foster care because Dad nearly beat them to death. Have the older broody one be raised in foster homes and the younger, snarky one raised by a serial killer. Then reintroduce the two of them as adults and make them mortal enemies who discover that they are in fact brothers. That's sort of Steve and Jack. (Yeah, there is some consistency in my fannish tastes). Jack/Steve had a lot of the same emotional dynamics as Spike/Angel, complete with much the same intensity in the love/hate dynamic. They could hate each other, nearly kill each other (there was one spectacular fight where Steve nearly killed Jack by throwing him off a roof) and yet they would also go to the floor and face death for each other (Steve donated his own kidney to save Jack's life. And Jack had to kill his serial killing adoptive father to save Steve's life). It was just a great brotherly dynamic that was endlessly dramatic and interesting.

Now imagine that somewhere around NFA, after Spike and Angel had found some sort of uneasy peace with one another (and sorta kinda admitted they loved each other) Angel was murdered and Spike never was able to bring the murderer to justice. Give the fanficcers (myself included) 16 years to play with it and make the story their own. Now imagine that you hear that Marti Noxon (only a hundred times worse, no seriously. At least a hundred times worse that Marti Noxon, and you KNOW I hate Marti Noxon)) Imagine you hear this show and character destroyer is going to get her filfthy hands on treasured toy of your fond memories of BtVS/AtS and is poised to destroy and/or ignore it in order. It's all just a ratings ploy anyway.

That's the inspiration for my rant.

Now I've wigged myself out. I can only hope I have the strength not to watch (but I'm weak. I know I'm weak, and they're going to destroy even my fond memories of 1986, damn them!)

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

This is the most creative and amusing use of the phrase 'poo flinging monkey' that I have ever read. I am sitting here laughing so hard that tears are running down my face.

I think there should be a rule that no character should be resurrected on a show with the original actor after five years have elapsed unless the explicit goal is to fulfill a storyline from a prior year (like reunite a supercouple).

I used to watch Days while I was in college and when I first started working (we're talking the 80s) and it's so funny how some of these storylines don't seem to have progressed at all, while others are just repeats of what's already been done ten times.

I think my break with Days was when Marlena was possessed by the devil. I just couldn't go there. Mixing the supernatural with a soap only works IMO when it's done consistently, not as some weird one-off.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Oh, I gave up on it then too (actually, I think I gave up when they buried Carly alive) but I've never quite gotten out of the habit of abandonning the entire fandom because the ubiquitous Days hate on the boards has led to some of the most hilarious and enjoyable message boards I've ever had the pleasure of being on. Even TWOP's Days thread is funny. And there used to be an AOL Days thread that forbade all discussion fo the show ENTIRELY... which was hilarious when newbies would show up. Heh.

[kellyhk.livejournal.com]

Oh man, you've summed up my displeasure with the steaming pile that Days has become. You're right, Reilly is a poo-fling, toad licking butt monkey.

Oddly, it's still better than his other crapfest Passions.

Chelsea? C'mon, does anyone even like her?

Kate? manipulative bitch that used to be interesting when paired with victor, now is just an old hag with a bad nose job that appears over-plasticized.

Marlena? Dude, you used to be interesting. You are a whiny little girl now. ah. to have the days back when the story line was demonic possession. At least you were interesting to watch. Right now? I don't care if Alex bitch slaps you or kills you. You've ceased to be interesting.

John? Keep squinting and scowling. It's better than anything you have to offer to the show.

Mimi's mom? Dude, what benefit does she bring to the show. None. she's irritating white trash.

Belle? I'd care if it were the old belle. the new belle just blows.

Jennifer: why are you solely defined by the man you are with? Blah. boringcakes.

So yeah, dead to me as well.

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Heh. The most interesting thing about Belle are the screeds of hate she produces on TWOP where she, Marlena, and Carrie are diagnosed as possessing the "Glittery Hoo-Hoo," the glow of their vaginas blind every man in town into believing that they can do no wrong.

[(Anonymous)]

Crap! Brining back Steve and Kayla is the one thing that would reel me back in. I have many questions:

Is Stephanie coming with or is she all grown up now?

What will Steve make of Adrienne/Bonnie and Kayla think of Chris/Roman and Roman/Alex?

Where is Jo?

Will Steve and Bo remain friends or will they still resent each other?

Will we get a reunion between "Billy Jack" and Steve?

Fran

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Not much info known as of yet. What little there is, this is the link to the links:

http://p206.ezboard.com/fbabeandbiancafanforumfrm66.showMessage?topicID=256.topic

[mistraltoes.livejournal.com]

I now totally blame you for the fact that I spent last night dreaming that I was digging through a pile of old Soap Opera Digests looking for Stephen Nichols covers. If I end up wasting another five hours a week that I don't have... well, all I can say is that there may be a Spike torture-fic with your name on it as a result. :(

[shipperx.livejournal.com]

Heh.

Don't blame me.

Just remember that I warned you that it would be unwatchable dreck!