They're Dead To Me, Damn it!
Apr. 18th, 2006 12:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shipperxDead. To. Me.
Who you ask? As I've stated before, I am a bitter and cynical ex-Days of Our Lives fan. I grew up on the show before it became unwatchable shit. And it became unwatchable crap with the utter destruction of every character and romance I ever liked (not to mention any semblance of sanity or quality). Calling the headwriter a poo-flinging monkey is an insult to poo-flinging monkeys. It is impossible to adequately relate how truly terrible the show is -- the dialog, the plotting, the production, all of it is atrociously bad.
And we won't even get into their killing my favorite character FIVE FREAKING TIMES! (Four of which within the space of the last YEAR). I had thought that with Missy Reeves (Jennifer) announcing that she was quitting the show and that meaning that, since they never use him anyway and his character is currently 'dead'...AGAIN (despite his still being on contract), Matt Ashford (Jack) will certainly be let go. Hey, huge Jack and Jennifer fan that I was in my youth, I'm okay with that. Releasing them from the catastrophic mess that's Days would be a mercy to these poor actors and their characters. I figure, Jack and Jen finally reunite (if there's any hope of any happiness on the show and that's not certain) and ride off into the sunset, leaving the shithole that is Days behind them. Even as an ex-fan I can hope for a happy ending for the only characters I still give the least damn about.
That was it. My measly little dream was simply for Jack end up not dead, allowed to reunite with his wife and children, and leave town.
Except now, what in the hell hits Soap Opera Digest? In Days desperation to save the Titanic-sized sinking ship that is Days (NBC just passed up the opportunity to pick up the back end of Days contract, so it's currently in limbo. NBC can now cancel as soon as the first half of the contract runs out in 2007, rather than having to keep the show on air until 2009 as per the entire contract). Days is in a very, very, bad place (hence my relief that my favorite characters were almost assured to be out of it in a couple of months) so... following GH's lead in grasping for remnants of their heyday, Days just signed Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans to return as supercouple Steve and Kayla!
Good news? Hah! It would have been if the show wasn't a shitfest and written by poo-flinging monkeys. But not as it is. I adore Stephen Nichols. If there were even a half-decent writing regime in place I'd be THRILLED that Steve Johnson was going to be resurrected. Instead, I'm just pissed off.
First, Jack (Matt Ashford as written above) plays Steve's (Stephen Nichol's) brother on screen. But Matt's contract runs out in June, he's currently 'dead'...again (as is Steve, actually. Neither Johnson boy has any luck). And my favorite brothers will probably have no storyline together at all. After all, the only story the poo-flinging monkey ever gives Matt/Jack is to kill Jack off again and again and again. So will Steve's return give Jack a story? I'm not holding my breath. I'll be lucky if the brothers are even allowed to speak to each other once!
And my issues with the poo-flinging monkey aren't character specific. It's not just about Jack (or Jack and Jen). Let's look at what the monkey has done to each and every supercouple on the show!
Jack and Jennifer -- Kill Jack repeatedly in desperate efforts to pair Jennifer with someone, anyone else (Peter, Collin, Brandon, Patrick, Frankie). Since Matt and Missy's return to the show several years ago, Jennifer has spent the bulk of her time being awhining crying widow who feels she must "move on" with some man, ANY man (because a woman must have a man at all times[/sarcasm]) while Jack is somewhere held prisoner, or dying of some unnamed disease, or whatever, loving his wife and children from afar (and mostly off screen) until he returns to be promptly 'killed' again (rinse and repeat and add new "other man"). Shit, Jack wasn't even allowed to be in town for the last two Christmases OR the birth of his son. (Bastard poo-flinging monkey!)
Bo and Hope -- Had their son RUN OVER and KILLED by Bo's illegitimate (she was stillborn but somehow now she's back and 19 years old despite having been --did I mention STILLBORN-- in 1998!) So Hope ran off to the islands with the resident man-ho, Patrick (see Jennifer's male harem above), and divorced Bo VIA E-MAIL!
John and Marlena -- well the dumb bitch got brainwashed, AGAIN, and married someone else, and John tried to murder the man (or something. It's a stupid story, and I don't follow it even in reading spoilers) and basically it all boils down to that couple was ALSO broken up (not that I gave a damn, but they are one of the show's mainstay couples and there are people who care. So that means that the monkey has to keep the over-fifty pair as far from each other as possible).
Sami and Lucas -- She's sleeping with Austin. He's sleeping with Carrie. It's as disgusting as it sounds.
Austin and Carrie -- See above. It's as awful as it sounds (and no, you aren't imagining that this exact same story was going on in 1993!)... only also paint Carrie as spineless, STUPID, and a misogynistic writer's wet dream of desperation to have a man -- any man -- impregnate her.
Abe and Lexie --Somehow he came down with some unnamed malady where he was rendered both blind and deaf (what did he do? Masturbate himself into illness?!) so that Lexie could have a raging affair with a boytoy who once poisoned John Black, but no one is supposed to remember that.
Days of Our Lives always had its hokiness and stupidity, but it also always had its romances. You could at least depend on the power of supercouples to love one another faithfully. Now, the only thing that the poo-flinging monkey ever, EVER writes isnot!new and not!interesting ways to have the supercouples screw each other over and sleep with other people. THIS is the environment in which Steve and Kayla are about to be resurrected.
So, not only will I almost certainly NOT get the pleasure of seeing my favorite angst-ridden brothers awkwardly reunite (which would be totally awesome in its acting and underlying emotion, if it wasn't penned by a poo-flinging monkey), but one of the few supercouples who remained untainted by the AWFULNESS that is the current Days is coming back to sure-fire destruction.
This is not the Days of supercouples and romance. It's a Days of misery, stupidity, hilariously AWFUL special effects, dialog, plotting, and pacing. Not only does the show make no sense, it doesn't even TRY to make sense.
So, what should be a good thing (the return of Steve Johnson, Yay!) is a thing I can only think of with horror, because not only do I know that it will inevitably suck (it will be written by a desperate poo-flinging monkey after all), I'll most probably WATCH the damn thing out of some desperate little desire to see Steve and Kayla and Steve and Jack together again... which is stupid, because I know that if it's something people want JERk (the poo-flinging monkey in question) will make damn sure not to deliver.
Sheesh. Just when the show is good and DEAD TO ME (I haven't watched in years even if I keep track of it via spoilers), they pull a stunt that's going to raise their ratings just long enough to rescue it from (much deserved) cancellation, and they'll do it by no doubt destroying two more characters that I love.
Damn you, NBC. Damn you, Ken Corday. And most of all, damn you James E. Reilly (the poo-flinging monkey).
ETA: For Story Spoiler:
May Sweeps Spoiler: Frankie/Jennifer/Jack: "Frankie proposes to Jennifer and she accepts. We see Jack in the hospital dying. Will he die? Will he saved by a bone marrow transplant? maybe, maybe not. A mysterious character from his past appears in May."
Well, at least they may remember that Steve and Jack are brothers. That's something... I guess.
ETAII: Info can be found here: http://p206.ezboard.com/fbabeandbiancafanforumfrm66.showMessage?topicID=256.topic
Who you ask? As I've stated before, I am a bitter and cynical ex-Days of Our Lives fan. I grew up on the show before it became unwatchable shit. And it became unwatchable crap with the utter destruction of every character and romance I ever liked (not to mention any semblance of sanity or quality). Calling the headwriter a poo-flinging monkey is an insult to poo-flinging monkeys. It is impossible to adequately relate how truly terrible the show is -- the dialog, the plotting, the production, all of it is atrociously bad.
And we won't even get into their killing my favorite character FIVE FREAKING TIMES! (Four of which within the space of the last YEAR). I had thought that with Missy Reeves (Jennifer) announcing that she was quitting the show and that meaning that, since they never use him anyway and his character is currently 'dead'...AGAIN (despite his still being on contract), Matt Ashford (Jack) will certainly be let go. Hey, huge Jack and Jennifer fan that I was in my youth, I'm okay with that. Releasing them from the catastrophic mess that's Days would be a mercy to these poor actors and their characters. I figure, Jack and Jen finally reunite (if there's any hope of any happiness on the show and that's not certain) and ride off into the sunset, leaving the shithole that is Days behind them. Even as an ex-fan I can hope for a happy ending for the only characters I still give the least damn about.
That was it. My measly little dream was simply for Jack end up not dead, allowed to reunite with his wife and children, and leave town.
Except now, what in the hell hits Soap Opera Digest? In Days desperation to save the Titanic-sized sinking ship that is Days (NBC just passed up the opportunity to pick up the back end of Days contract, so it's currently in limbo. NBC can now cancel as soon as the first half of the contract runs out in 2007, rather than having to keep the show on air until 2009 as per the entire contract). Days is in a very, very, bad place (hence my relief that my favorite characters were almost assured to be out of it in a couple of months) so... following GH's lead in grasping for remnants of their heyday, Days just signed Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans to return as supercouple Steve and Kayla!
Good news? Hah! It would have been if the show wasn't a shitfest and written by poo-flinging monkeys. But not as it is. I adore Stephen Nichols. If there were even a half-decent writing regime in place I'd be THRILLED that Steve Johnson was going to be resurrected. Instead, I'm just pissed off.
First, Jack (Matt Ashford as written above) plays Steve's (Stephen Nichol's) brother on screen. But Matt's contract runs out in June, he's currently 'dead'...again (as is Steve, actually. Neither Johnson boy has any luck). And my favorite brothers will probably have no storyline together at all. After all, the only story the poo-flinging monkey ever gives Matt/Jack is to kill Jack off again and again and again. So will Steve's return give Jack a story? I'm not holding my breath. I'll be lucky if the brothers are even allowed to speak to each other once!
And my issues with the poo-flinging monkey aren't character specific. It's not just about Jack (or Jack and Jen). Let's look at what the monkey has done to each and every supercouple on the show!
Jack and Jennifer -- Kill Jack repeatedly in desperate efforts to pair Jennifer with someone, anyone else (Peter, Collin, Brandon, Patrick, Frankie). Since Matt and Missy's return to the show several years ago, Jennifer has spent the bulk of her time being a
Bo and Hope -- Had their son RUN OVER and KILLED by Bo's illegitimate (she was stillborn but somehow now she's back and 19 years old despite having been --did I mention STILLBORN-- in 1998!) So Hope ran off to the islands with the resident man-ho, Patrick (see Jennifer's male harem above), and divorced Bo VIA E-MAIL!
John and Marlena -- well the dumb bitch got brainwashed, AGAIN, and married someone else, and John tried to murder the man (or something. It's a stupid story, and I don't follow it even in reading spoilers) and basically it all boils down to that couple was ALSO broken up (not that I gave a damn, but they are one of the show's mainstay couples and there are people who care. So that means that the monkey has to keep the over-fifty pair as far from each other as possible).
Sami and Lucas -- She's sleeping with Austin. He's sleeping with Carrie. It's as disgusting as it sounds.
Austin and Carrie -- See above. It's as awful as it sounds (and no, you aren't imagining that this exact same story was going on in 1993!)... only also paint Carrie as spineless, STUPID, and a misogynistic writer's wet dream of desperation to have a man -- any man -- impregnate her.
Abe and Lexie --Somehow he came down with some unnamed malady where he was rendered both blind and deaf (what did he do? Masturbate himself into illness?!) so that Lexie could have a raging affair with a boytoy who once poisoned John Black, but no one is supposed to remember that.
Days of Our Lives always had its hokiness and stupidity, but it also always had its romances. You could at least depend on the power of supercouples to love one another faithfully. Now, the only thing that the poo-flinging monkey ever, EVER writes is
So, not only will I almost certainly NOT get the pleasure of seeing my favorite angst-ridden brothers awkwardly reunite (which would be totally awesome in its acting and underlying emotion, if it wasn't penned by a poo-flinging monkey), but one of the few supercouples who remained untainted by the AWFULNESS that is the current Days is coming back to sure-fire destruction.
This is not the Days of supercouples and romance. It's a Days of misery, stupidity, hilariously AWFUL special effects, dialog, plotting, and pacing. Not only does the show make no sense, it doesn't even TRY to make sense.
So, what should be a good thing (the return of Steve Johnson, Yay!) is a thing I can only think of with horror, because not only do I know that it will inevitably suck (it will be written by a desperate poo-flinging monkey after all), I'll most probably WATCH the damn thing out of some desperate little desire to see Steve and Kayla and Steve and Jack together again... which is stupid, because I know that if it's something people want JERk (the poo-flinging monkey in question) will make damn sure not to deliver.
Sheesh. Just when the show is good and DEAD TO ME (I haven't watched in years even if I keep track of it via spoilers), they pull a stunt that's going to raise their ratings just long enough to rescue it from (much deserved) cancellation, and they'll do it by no doubt destroying two more characters that I love.
Damn you, NBC. Damn you, Ken Corday. And most of all, damn you James E. Reilly (the poo-flinging monkey).
ETA: For Story Spoiler:
May Sweeps Spoiler: Frankie/Jennifer/Jack: "Frankie proposes to Jennifer and she accepts. We see Jack in the hospital dying. Will he die? Will he saved by a bone marrow transplant? maybe, maybe not. A mysterious character from his past appears in May."
Well, at least they may remember that Steve and Jack are brothers. That's something... I guess.
ETAII: Info can be found here: http://p206.ezboard.com/fbabeandbiancafanforumfrm66.showMessage?topicID=256.topic
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Date: 2006-04-19 10:10 pm (UTC)http://p206.ezboard.com/fbabeandbiancafanforumfrm66.showMessage?topicID=256.topic